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trying super hard to pick myself up by the bootstraps these days. clay has been gone a lot. like a lot, a lot. like 12 of the last 16 days. and it'll be 16 of the last 20 before he's finally home again. for 2 days. before he leaves again for 3. and then so on & so on & so on.


not sure why it feels like he's gone so much more. maybe because he is? maybe because luci is old enough to really understand he's not here & feel his absence? she is very emotional when he's gone. and when he's home (who am i kidding?) maybe she picks up on my stress? maybe it is her own stress? maybe a combo? she sobs for him. literally sobs. then he gets home & all she wants is mommy. which hurts his feelings. and frustrates us both. and then just when she finally warms up to him again it's time for him to go.


the week started out rough. kitchen renovation contractors showed up at 8:30a on sunday with a solo (at least, solo + kids) me not feeling well. no body seemed to know what they were doing. finally by tuesday the kitchen was at least put back together.


gus has been teething all week, up every 2 hours at night. diarrhea every diaper. thought it was just the teething. till last night. when lulu was up every 2 hours with diarrhea. so both had diarrhea today. and then lu vomited all over the dinner table, gus & me tonight. like out her nose vomit. then she had more diarrhea in her diaper while i was reading her a bedtime story (she still wears diapers to bed). after the diaper had been changed i went to put it in the diaper genie. runny poop flew across the room. onto the dresser, carpet, inside the diaper genie...but not on the plastic throw away part, of course. meanwhile gus was screaming his head off next door.

so after the poop was cleaned up i went to quiet the screaming head. i tried with all of my might to just relish in that sweet, cool chubby cheek next to mine.

we had a family health scare this week. found out yesterday that all is well...don't worry. while i was rocking with that chubby, wet cheek next to mine i started to think about my parents. cleaning up after me all those years. wondering if they know how much i love them. if they know how much it breaks my heart that my kiddos don't get to spend much time with them. how very much i wish my whole family could live in the same town. and then i wondered why i don't say such things more often. and why it seems easier to say on my blog than over the phone or in person. seems wrong. but better said here than left unsaid, right?

so i love you mom & dad. and i love you dear husband. here or not here. and of course i love my kids too...screaming, poop, vomit, & all.

wordless wednesday

the haps (part 2)

well the kitchen update that was planned (at least, by us) for today has been pushed back. there was a miscommunication & now the granite will be installed on sunday (cause of the mistake). and backsplash on monday. and faucet & dishwasher & disposal on tuesday. whatever. it is what it is.

3. the gym. oh...the new gym, how i love thee. mama is a MUCH better mama when she gets some alone time during the day...with music from the 'dance & dj' genre (per itunes) blaring in her headphones at a volume that is most certainly not healthy. sweating a bit. actually, who are we kidding...sweating a lot. i have such a flat learning curve...why have i not been working out for the last 4 years? i've worked out most of my life...why did i ever stop? i feel SO much better...physically, mentally, emotionally. it's good. and gusgus is doing better at childcare - he usually cries during the hand off but i haven't been paged to return before i'm ready in over a week. he's got a few of the ladies wrapped around his finger & they seem to adore him. duh, who wouldn't ;) he even naps there if he's tired! and the lu? she loves it. usually doesn't want to leave when it is time to go. she "climbs, cooks bacon, and makes things in art".

4. this is a big one. i think i'm ready to wean gus. i started doing one bottle of formula a day (he gets it at the gym...convenient, right?) a few weeks ago, and now i'm up to two. next week i'll go to nursing him just once a day. and then however many times he eats a night. right now it's two times but i'm not making my almost 9 month old bottles in the middle of the night. he's old enough to get what he needs during the day so he'll just have to change his habits when when the mama milk runs out. i'd always planned that i'd nurse him for a full year, but i'm finding i have a huge need to own my body right now...and i didn't anticipate that. i think it's the working out. he's had it for 18 months, so i'm trying not to feel too selfish about wanting it back. one of my favorite motherhood phrases is what's good for mama is good for baby...so i'm just going to keep going with what feels right. and what feels right at the moment is taking control back and owning this nearly unrecognizable body.

5. the lu is rockin school these days. sure she often says she doesn't want to go (but she never wants to go anywhere), but yesterday she actually told me she wanted to go to school or to the gym. apparently i wasn't as entertaining as usual ;) her goofball sense of humor is in full force these days as she picks up things from other kids. it is weird to have her being influenced by things outside our home. singing songs i don't know, saying things i didn't teach her...it is very strange for me...yet somehow i know the time is right for her to gain some independence. but strange, nonetheless. we've thrown a LOT of change at her in a pretty short time, and she's done really well it. i'm very proud of my pea.

6. i realized the other day i've finally gotten used to having two kids. i actually waited to pick up luci from school to go grocery shopping with both of them rather than go with just gus. we are at some strange point (maybe with gus having more mobility?) where having them both out somewhere is actually easier than being at home. at home gusgus follows the lu around while she taunts (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not) him with things that he can't play with. either because he'd choke or because she doesn't want him to 'mess it all up'. and to say she's usually a bit too rough with him would be an understatement. i need to figure out a new tactic to deal with the too rough behavior because what i'm doing isn't working. suggestions?

i think that's about it. overall i'm pretty happy with our new 'busier' schedule. and i'm super glad the carroon drama is over. and will be even happier when the kitchen is done! stay tuned for some before & after photos!

things the lu says

the lu says the funniest things these days. i think she's picking up bits & pieces from friends at school.

lu: i'm gonna SMACK your footie!
me: you are gonna smack me?
lu (laughing): yes, i wanna SMACK you!

me: how about pasta for lunch today?
lu: no thank you. i'm not hungry. maybe after dinner.

lu: i want to scratch your feelings!
me: you want to scratch my feelings?
lu (laughing): yes. they have BARF ALL OVER THEM!!!

and this one is probably tmi, but it made me laugh so hard i have to record it...
me: my tummy hurts. i have to go potty...get those poops out of my tummy.
lu (with the most concerned, disturbed look ever): MOM...you ATE your POOPS?!?!?!?!?

the haps (part 1)

life has been dictated by some significant happenings lately. this is part 1 of a 2 part post. cause i should be working right now...

1. the kitchen update.
our kitchen is 12 years old and it's starting to really show its age. since we'll (hopefully) be selling in less than 2 years we knew we'd need to do something before then...cause grout is falling out of the ceramic tiles that make up the counter and our faucet is about ready to blow. like clay showed me how to turn off the water source ready to blow. the electric COIL cook top only has 3 burners that work...and our dishwasher is so loud it sounds like the el is running through our kitchen. have i convinced you we need an update/upgrade yet?

well we convinced ourselves...but given our struggles with design choices in the past, we decided to hire a designer. fancy, right? um, turns out not so much. 3 weeks + $600 later they presented their design in about 10 minutes. they picked the same granite we had in chicago (that we picked out by ourselves), and some seemingly random photos of a sink, dishwasher, cook top, faucet & drawer/cabinet hardware. and an awesome stacked glossy glass tile back splash...which i had asked for. the problem? we gave them a budget and they came in 68% over. um, yeah.

so we called our realtor to confirm that updating to granite is something we really need to do. she says yes, yes it is. apparently people expect granite in this market. she also gives me the names of some other folks...who come out & tell us they can give us pretty much the same thing for about 20% over our original budget. done. the biggest value? new dude tells me glass tile is RIDICULOUSLY hard to keep clean...that water spots are bonkers bad unless you are constantly wiping & cleaning it.

seriously fancy designer ladies? did you not see the state of my house when you came over? did you not see my two small children? cause you certainly did NOT think to mention that maintenance of glass tile is NOT very functional. what a let down! but, in the end we picked out some different granite that we liked, described a backsplash look we wanted and we think we'll be happy. we picked out a new cook top & dishwasher, and in a few weeks we should have an updated kitchen!! the designer folks said our kitchen would be out of commission for 3 weeks. this new guy said 2 days. now that's what i'm talkin about.

2. the caroon saga.
ugh. so like five weeks ago or so we realized we had something living in the wall right under where the breezeway connects to the house. we've left our garage open for the last year since tallulah moved outside (cause she's an inside pee-er-all-over-er), and in the last few months a raccoon (or a caroon in luci speak...although today she kept calling it a kangaroo) decided a wall in our house would be an excellent place to live. and if i were a wild animal i'd probably agree. we had a trapper man come & set two traps...baited with honeybuns. the caroon was too smart & said no thank you. trapper man said it was probably a smart young male & we were lucky it wasn't a mama with babies. we thought (s)he was gone.

till a tuesday. we heard a ruckus, and sure enough (s)he was back. and we decided it was in fact a she...now a mama with babies. NOT.SO.AWESOME. after some googling we decided to try applying a concoction of chili powder, cayenne pepper & hot sesame oil. clay quickly realized that it wouldn't really work because we couldn't get to where mama + babies were, and if we sprayed it at their entrance he'd be spraying all of the electrical wiring of our house. but the clever man did think of drilling a hole in the wall above where the caroons were and blowing in chili powder & cayenne pepper with a straw. and it worked. immediately we heard mama rustle her way out of the wall. two hours or so later i saw mama leave with a baby in her mouth. we thought that meant success, that she'd surely come back for the other babes. and we thought she had. till today. when i heard babies at lunch. OH NO. so i promptly called mr. trapper man back. he came this afternoon & cut them out of the wall. apparently she was a young mama and he didn't think she'd be coming back for the other two. there has been no sign of her since tuesday when i saw her take a babe away in her mouth. i had read that if you put the live babies in a trap the mama will go in every.time. so i thought he'd do that. but sweet coon peas were too little to leave in a trap...only 7-10 days old. they'd be too cold. so he was going to take them to a rehabber who will raise him them until they are old enough to be released into the wild.




see the orb below? that's the orb that was here, watchin to see if i respected another mama's babies. yes God/universe/whatever you happen to believe...i respect life. no baby bloodshed in this house thankyouverymuch. this is a place of love & life. just preferrably not wild-life.

now we just have a bit of drywall repair to take care of....

k...i know you are all riveted by the details of our life, but i really need to work now ;)

i need some water

she says, handing me a dry towel. i tell her to get it wet in the bathroom sink. bad idea. 6 wet rolls of toilet paper later (basket o toilet paper on the floor) she's got water dripping EVERYWHERE. she's hysterical when i ring the towel out. she tells me she needs water to clean the floor... like cinderella.

i'm not one to say no to someone willing to clean my floors...

think this means i can get rid of our cleaning helpers?!?!? ;)

ps. notice her hawkeye colors? yes, it was intentional. go hawks!

sooooo big

so our boy came home yesterday from the gym with a new trick....

he's getting soooooo big ;)

(pardon my ridiculous encouraging mama voice)