catching up: lulu pea

changing 'brother baby's' diaper... eat time, brother baby...

hmmm...we might have to work on how we holdyou brother baby...

The girl has lots of nicknames, what can I say? Lu, Lulu, Luce, and of course the real deal Luci. Just don't call her by Lucia...I'm not sure if she'll answer!

She's more & more conversational by the day, constantly cracking Clay & me up. Some of our favorites include endearing mispronunciations...

weh-yo - yellow

hhnail - snail

hhmile face - smile face

hhning - swing

ipsey pider - itsy bitsy spider

wots & wots o peoples - there are a lot of people

quiz-key - squeaky

My-yo - Milo

Other favorite phrases?

Carryou? - will you carry me?
Mama Holdyou? - will you hold me, Mama?

Luci holdyou? - when I have something she wants to hold

yes daughter.

wook at me, wook at me - look at me, look at me (while cupping my chin with her hands so that I look at her)

Car first [with one finger up] (whenever we talking about going anywhere that requires us getting in the car)

I catch me! - I'm going to catch you

If you were a fly on our wall you may have recently heard...

i miss daddya too.

daddy work. take-a-people-a-grandmas house. see Asher, see Myrtle the Great.

deep-in-a-heart-Texas.

make-a-picture-grandma. cedem (a type of flower at Grandma's).

Let's go see fishes! (Grandma & Grandpa Pierse have a little fish pond in their yard).

Somebody-a-cryian. a baby. homa, miss mama. (hearing a baby cry).

Mom hing (sing). Mom no hing.

Mom talk. (wanting me to read a book from across the room while she holds it).

Look at me stuff, I'm-a-jumpin you! (talking to her artwork hanging on the wall while she jumps on the trampoline).

Let's go let's go!

She's starting to sing along to songs and repeat stretches of books.

-I got, I got, I got I got Loco Leeeeggs (from The Freshbeats)

-Nothin, nothin, nothin, nothin. (From The Cat in the Hat)

-She has a big sister book that she was reciting as she was playing with her baby doll the other day. "Too little a walk. Too little a talk. Too little a apples ice cream no pizza."

Oh...and she's OBSESSED with Dr. Seuss & The Cat in the Hat. And the Sneetches. And Green Eggs & Ham. She seriously can't get enough of the book or the movie. Luckily the 1957 video has lots of catchy tunes that keep Clay & me singing for days...

Her concept of time (or lack thereof) is really interesting. She knows the things we do during the day, and that bathtime and naptime come shortly after meals but has no concept of time throughout the day. Example? This AM after breakfast she said sleeptime? No sleeptime. And after lunch she might proclaim it bathtime. She does get that when it is dark out that it is sleeptime. I think she gets tomorrow, because if we talk about tomorrow being a school day she knows the next morning right away as she wakes up that she's going to go see Miss A & Miss L. But if I go out for dinner before she goes to bed, she wakes up the next morning and thinks I'm still out playing with my friends. She also is VERY excited for her friend Eleanor's birthday party and I keep having to tell her it is in a couple of weeks. I'm quite sure she has NO idea what this means, but she doesn't like it.

catching up: where-o-where will the Pierses live

I've decided to catch up in installments since I'm a bit intimidated with all of the chronicling I need to do...

So...PDX. Portland that is, for those of you whose lives aren't dictated by airport codes (ours largely are). We loved it. We felt a bit empty there. We wish it made more sense.

We LOVED it. It is beautiful. Clay could get his hiking/biking/climbing fix anytime, any day, at home or within a short drive. The mountains are gorgeous, the trees are gorgeous, the waterfalls are gorgeous. Everything is green. And for me? The city is SO accessible from the 'burbs where we'd likely live. (The area we'd likely live in is Camas, WA...very safe with excellent schools. And gorgeous homes with gorgeous views.) The Pearl District of downtown reminded me of my favorite parts of Chicago minus the congestion. In Chicago it'd be VERY difficult to get downtown for dinner and dessert and back home again on a week night. We did it in Portland with some friends of Luci's Uncle Sunidh & Aunt Brooke...in the rain (city dwellers know this makes traffic worse). They picked us up at 6:45p and we were home in bed eating a delicious dessert that we took to go by 9:45p (we stayed just shy of the 'burbs). That just wouldn't happen in Chicago unless all of the stars were perfectly aligned. Oh, and we found street parking. Twice. And they pump your gas for you in Oregon. I like that. The city has just a very cool vibe...one of respect for the environment and local ingredients...all while keeping a sense of humor. You can get a local brew (or your non-pregnant husband can ;) and eat a yummy meal with fun ingredients (like quinoa...try to find that in The Woodlands!). We saw a sign at the airport that pretty much summed it up....it said, "UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE SERVED AN ESPRESSO & GIVEN A FREE PUPPY". And it had a drawing of a little girl balancing a cup of coffee while petting a puppy. LOVED IT. Oh, and I had the best latte of my life at a little local joint, bought for us by some random nice people we met over breakfast. They proceeded to map out a bunch of areas we needed to check out for future homes when they realized that we were new to the city. And then they bought us THE BEST COFFEE I'VE EVER HAD. Um, yeah. Have I mentioned we loved it?

We felt a bit empty there. Was it missing our Luci? We aren't without her very often. Was it that family would be SOO far away? For the Rosonke side, we would be talking about a 3 hour drive, a 3 hour flight, and a 4 1/2 hour flight in order to use our non-rev privileges (flying for less on stand-by). Plus all of the wait time/planning/stars aligning that said flights require. Um yeah. And the Pierse side would fair only 2 hours better on the drive side of things. That is quite a trek. And we like our families. Ideally we'd like to make it easier to see them, not more difficult. And Clay would be commuting. That would mean we see less of him. 3-5 days or more less of him a month. And we like each other...so that would be hard. Really hard. Not to mention his stress level of never knowing if he's going to make it to work or if something will go wrong with the flight he picked to get himself to Houston to start work.

We wish it made more sense. We wish we had had this euphoric feeling that we'd found our answer. Instead? Lots of pros, lots of cons. Lots of heart tugging cons.

So what now? We are checking out CLE next. Cleveland, that is. Continental has a base there, so no commuting. It'd be closer to family. A 6 hour drive to the Pierse family, or a short 60-90 minute flight. And it'd be an easy 6 hour drive in the new minivan Clay promised to buy me if I'm willing to move to CLE (he rues the day he said that! ;). For the Rosonke side, a shorter 2 hour flight with the same 3 hour drive. We'd be back in the Midwest...with proper seasons & snow. Granted I like the idea of snow more than the actual snow, but Clay for real likes snow. Housing prices have gone down significantly since we opted for IAH (Houston) over CLE three+ years ago when we moved here. So maybe it makes sense now? We'll see. Oh, and for the nature seeking man in my life? A giant state park with lots of hiking & mountain biking. And we'd be within driving distance of fun stuff in Penn, W. Virginia & Virginia. So he gets his nature fix. Not sure if I get my city fix...but I would get a minivan ;) A worthwhile trade off? I'm not so sure!

In summary? I wish staying here was the answer. But Clay has no nature fix, and I have no city fix. And the forecasted heat index for the week is: 96, 97, 110, 93, 95, 95 & 94. Have I mentioned it is the end of September? Beginning of October? These temps just don't work with our Northern body calendars. They just piss me off. I want to wear pants! And long sleeves! And go outside without sunscreen & bug spray! Is that too much to ask? But I do love our friends here. In my pregnant state just thinking about not having them in our daily lives makes me weepy. Ugh. Anybody know how I can pick up a town and move it north?

alive & mostly well

After a week of traveling we are home again home again. Thank goodness. I feel like I've been hit by an enormous truck (as Luci would say)...I have a terrible cold and this body just isn't up for trekking through airports with luggage & a 2 year old...even with the help of Dad & Grandma.

That said Portland was AWESOME. It wasn't so much a vacation as an exploration of a potential future home, but it was great nonetheless. Luci did really well with Grandma and had her best school experience to date while we were gone. Yesterday went well too...no tears before school or even when we dropped her off. She did struggle when Miss L had to leave to pick up her sick daughter from school, but I'm hopeful tomorrow will go well if Miss L is back.

One night at home after Portland and Clay, Grandma Pierse, Luci & I headed up to Indiana for the weekend for the big Edinburgh Fall Festival. We had a great time, although I woke up on Saturday with a pulled ab muscle or something that left me virtually unable to walk without significant pain. Fun times. The good news is that at least that ailment has already healed. Now if I could just get rid of this congestion...

More details to come, but for now I must work...

Productive.

Reading her book...Loving her trampoline!

Going to the one not allowed spot...of course.

Jump...

Jump!

Productive with a capital P. My very long list of personal admin has for the most part been completed this week. Amazing what a few forgone mama naps will accomplish. I've been so on task I haven't posted for awhile...

Aunt Baylee & Grandma Myrtle the Great were here last weekend & we LOVED having them. Unfortunately, I am a terrible mother/sister/granddaughter, and forgot to get the camera out even ONCE! And Aunt Baylee is leaving the country this week for a year or more! What is wrong with me?!?!?! Ugh. I'm disgusted with myself and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I think it's not as much the photos as Baylee leaving for a year. Not that we won't be able to talk or email, but still...a year is a long time. Living far away from siblings is such a bummer...I am proud of our endeavors & ambition, but it SUCKS that living in different time zones seems to be a necessary by-product. Luci is still talking about Aunt Baylee & Myrtle the Great a week later...she misses them, for sure. We did lots of fun things like going out for breakfast, coloring both my hair & Grandma's hair blond from a box at Kroger (mine was not a big hit...Grandma looked great, on the other hand), and shopping. It was tons of fun...thanks for coming!

I also turned 32 last weekend. Or thirty-twos as Luci would say. Baylee took Grandma & me out for breakfast & Clay took me out for a LOVELY dinner while Baylee & Grandma Myrtle watched Luci for us. It was great...thank you all!

Preschool continued much as it did the first two weeks. I didn't get any calls to come pick her up, but she cried pretty much from the moment she woke up until I handed her off to Miss L. And I'm sure she continued crying but I didn't stick around to find out. Miss L & Miss A told me she cried on & off the whole time - and when I asked if it was more good than bad, they said it was a toss up. Ugh. I almost called it a day on Thursday morning...I wasn't sure if I could keep doing it. She is legitimately scared. And I know she doesn't need to go to. But I really want her to want to go. I really want the time to pick up some extra hours at work before the baby comes, and maybe even after if Gus's naps cooperate. Luci needs a LOT of stimulation & engagement these days, and selfishly I love the idea of having someone else do it while I get a few hours to myself. Preschool is really all about me, and I get that. And it makes me feel all the more guilty that she is terrified...cause that is due to me too! I was too scared to leave her at the Y or with babysitters, so of course she is terrified at school...how could I expect her not to be? Miss L assures me that given I've never left Luci with anyone other than close friends or grandparents that her behavior is totally normal. They've not suggested that it is time to call it a year yet so I'm going to give it at least another month. Ugh.

And this week Grandma Pierse gets to give it a go. She's staying with Luci while Clay & I hit Portland Monday - Thursday. We are excited to really check out the area and see if it might be the place for us. But my heart is definitely feeling an extra tug knowing the issues she's having with school...

uncomfortable.

Lately we've been feeling lots of discomfort. All three of us. Preschool is hard. On all three of us. I'd been calling what Clay & I've been feeling as heartbreaking, but I've revised and am trying to keep perspective. Heartbreaking is watching a child or spouse suffer from a terminal illness, or not being able to afford to care for or feed your child. Lots of things in this world are really heartbreaking. Leaving your child at preschool while she cries for Mama or Daddy is not one of them. It's just uncomfortable. Luci feels uncomfortable at preschool. She's safe, with lots of fun things to do and kids to play with. But she's uncomfortable because she's used to Mom & Dad always being there.

Tuesday was okay. She cried as soon as we turned the car off in the parking lot. The preschool director (a neighbor of ours) called at 10a to say Luci was walking around in a crouched position saying, "poops, poops". But a diaper change revealed no poops, so they put her on the potty. She didn't like that. I told the director she probably just knew she had to go but that they could leave her diaper on. We didn't hear back, so we went a bit early to sneak a peak at her on the playground to see how she was. She was at the fence line, looking out all forlorn like. Clay couldn't stomach more than 3 minutes of this so he went out to scoop her up. Miss L said she was teary during a diaper change, but overall did pretty well. One thing Clay & I noticed as we dropped her off was that her cubby now had her photo on it...the saddest lookin Luci photo you've ever seen. It made us uncomfortable.

Clay left Tuesday afternoon, and since then Luci has been periodically bursting into tears proclaiming "miss Daddy, miss Daddy, no Daddy work, miss Daddy". She's always missed him while he's on trips, but has been easily distracted and comforted...except for the last two days...NOTHING I do comforts her. I brought out a Daddy shirt to hug, made a bear into a special Daddy bear (this worked for a few hours), brought out the photo book of Dad, called Dad, but nothing has comforted her. This inconsolable missing makes us uncomfortable...and lucky me, I'm probably the least uncomfortable.

Today the tears started almost as soon as she woke up. Miss Daddy, miss Daddy. She cried while sitting in 'Daddy's pillows' (his side of the bed) watching a show through my entire shower. She cried through breakfast. We 'rocked a baby' for 5 minutes with the forbidden baa all cradled and wrapped in a blanket in a way we haven't done since she was like 6 months old. I loved it (who doesn't love to snuggle their baby), but found it very disturbing at the same time. She's clearly uncomfortable. She knew it was a school day, and said 'no school' a few times. But she was excited to put her socks on, and carry her lunch box to the car. But when we reached the parking lot she started crying, and cried all the way into her class (with Mama getting empathetic looks from every other mom we passed), into her teacher's confident arms. I warned Miss A it had been a rough morning and that the director could call me on my cell phone, but she scooped Luci right up & told me she'd be fine. And I was off. But very uncomfortable!

I went about my business, prepared for the call which came at 10:15a. I could hear Luci in the background sobbing "see Mama, see Mama". Luckily I had just picked up my final item at the grocery store, so I headed to the check out & drove as fast as I legally could to school. When I got there I went to Luci's class room...I could see her, but she didn't see me...and she wasn't crying. They said she had stopped just after the call and that she'd been fine since. I snuck out & told them to feel free to call if the tears started again...and thanked them for calling in the first place. About 11:15a I got another call...asking if I meant to pack strawberries in her lunch or was she no longer allergic...OOPS!! Poor thing melted when they took away her strawberry (which I made a big deal of telling her about this AM as I was packing her lunch)! I said, no, strawberries no longer caused eczema breakouts, and profusely apologized! Poor Luci & poor Miss A & Miss L...as if the morning hadn't been hard enough already! UGH!

I went a bit early to pick her up to watch her on the playground through the window and she seemed to be fine climbing on the equipment and going down the slide. When Miss L brought her into the pick up room the big frown was back & I could see tears brimming, but I promptly gave her a hug & high five and told her what a good job she did at school today...and she responded by smiling. We gave Miss L a high five on the way out, and although Luci did say "miss Daddy, Daddy work" she didn't cry. And she's been fine since then. We looked at her artwork from the day and she's now watching a show before nap time, excited to wake up in order to go pick up Aunt Baylee & Grandma Myrtle the Great from the airport this afternoon.

So, we made it through another week of school. And it was uncomfortable, but life often is uncomfortable. I can get through this transition just keeping this in mind. The biggest rewards of my life have come after a period of discomfort. I don't regret any decision that I've ever made that required me to stretch beyond my comfort zone. My problem is not knowing if it is necessary for a 2 year old to learn this lesson...or if that is even the lesson we're departing on her by forcing the preschool issue. Ahhh the uncomfortable joys of parenting...