Blessed

Augustine Rutherford Pierse. Better known as Gus. Born 12.28.09 at 1:58pm, weighing in at 8lbs, 10oz and stretching 22 inches. His birth was MUCH easier than Luci's, and so far he seems to be a sweet mellow boy. He's totally got his days & nights mixed up, but we're going to keep him anyway ;) Mom, Dad AND Luci are all in love.

deja vu

Well no labor yet. The most likely scenario at this point is that Clay & I will check into the hospital tonight to start the long induction process. Gus is still high and my cervix is not ready, so we'll first work on that tonight and then start the pitocin around 5a tomorrow. It is the exact same plan that we executed for Luci's birth. I'm planning to opt for the epidural more quickly this time; with Luci I tried to fight it for a long time, and once I finally gave in I went from like 4-10 cm dilated in just a few hours (apparently I wasn't good at relaxing on my own)....as opposed to the 8 hours it took to get from 1-4cm. At least that is my plan for now...we'll see how it changes.

My mommy brain is broken. Ever since my epiphany I've been thinking about delivery way more than I'd like. I keep trying to focus on just getting him here safely & in good health. That works for awhile. In terms of giving birth, ignorance is bliss. I can't believe anyone does this more once. I can't believe I'm doing this more than once! I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize, eye on the prize...keep trying to focus on the baby....focus on the baby...he is absolutely worth it, after all. I don't question that for a minute. It is just hard not to think about 'the alligator closest to the canoe' as my handsome husband would say.

I feel sort of selfish for evicting him before 41 weeks. When your doctor tells you it is time, that is one thing. Intellectually deciding that this date works best for our family is more difficult to feel confident/good about. But if we wait until 41 weeks (which I suspect we would), we'd get home from the hospital on Monday 1/3 or Tuesday 1/4, and Clay would leave for work on Thursday 1/7. I definitely don't confident/good about that. So as long as the hospital has a bed tonight, we'll stick with what we decided weeks ago, and trust in God that it'll be all right.

Merry Christmas

Santa brought Luci a new trike...a Kettler...and this afternoon Clay took her out to work on pedaling. She pedaled (with help) to the park, but on the way home when encouraged to ride again she responded, "The bike is pretty hard. I screamed." Dad replied, "You screamed?" Luci said, "Yes, I was sad & mad. I walk."

Nice, Santa.....real nice! ;)

never coming out to play

I swear my babies never want to come out & play! Gus is still sky high, and I'm not at all dilated or effaced. For now we are scheduled to hit the hospital Sunday night with the exact same action plan as we had for Luci...except it'll be 12/27/09 instead of 7/24/07.


Clay & I held hands today as we finished up shopping for one last Christmas present, and he couldn't get over how swollen they were. He said he felt like he was holding a strangers hand...that they felt like man hands! My feet are huge, and I can't even really wear my watch which is normally quite loose. My poor skin has stretch marks that never happened with Luci and I weigh quite a bit more than I did with her. Looking good....fun times.

mommy brain @ 39 weeks

That is Luci's surprise face...we practice different emotions often. For example, when she's upset we ask her to show us a happy face. Clever Mom & Dad...we know ;)

Here we are...large & in charge of nothing...otherwise this lil man would be out playing already. Yes, I know we've seen a lot of this shirt, but it is really the only one that is long enough to cover my baby belly so it's getting a lot of air time lately.

I've had some SERIOUS mama brain as of late. I've been trying to finish up work in order to take the next 6 weeks off, and I swear I've never been so DIM in my life! This last project has required some good critical analytical thinking - usually my favorite kind - and instead I find myself stumped & distracted at every step. I finish one logical thought and find that my mind is blank. I have to force myself to the next thought, and then I can't remember what my last thought was. My mind has LITERALLY been empty. Like my brain resets between every task and I can't remember what is next or what was last. It's frustrating & has been getting me down. I've always prided myself on being 'sharp' and I feel a bit lost with the level of distraction that's been plaguing me.

But last night I had an epiphany as to why! Clay & I were in bed chatting and he asked what we needed to pack for the hospital (no, the bag is still not packed) and what our plan was should Gus come say, in the middle of the night. I said that we'd call Amanda and I'd grab Gus's homecoming outfit and a few things for me to wear and that would be that. And then I commented that I hadn't given it a lot of thought. And he was all, "WHAT?!! How can you not be thinking about this stuff?"

So that got me to thinking about packing a bag. And what I would need. And I thought, "What do I need in the hospital? What did I use last time?" See...the next step after needing the bag...is the hospital...because I'm in labor. And if you've had a baby, you know what that means. It means ridiculous pain, followed by more pain, and maybe a needle or two stuck in your spine. It means pushing with all of your might until you are so exhausted you think you can't do it anymore, but you have to because you know that is the only way to end the pain. Luci's birth took 26+ hours. 15 hours without an epidural. 2 needle pokes in the spine (followed by a spinal headache, a blood patch followed by a continued headache for the next 10 days), and 3 hours of pushing with an oxygen mask on. With the epidural turned off for the last 90 minutes or so I could do a better job of 'feeling' when to push. At the end I was literally begging & pleading & crying to Clay & Dr. J to just please get her out. JUST.GET.HER.OUT. The ordeal finally concluded at 9:11pm with Dr. J using the vacuum. From 9:10p to 9:11p (the vacuum) I was in unconscionable pain. According to Clay I was howling like a wild animal. And even if I try, I absolutely CANNOT recall the physical pain...it was literally unconscionable. All I know is that I kept thinking it had to be over soon because I could not survive another second of that level of pain...yet it continued. And then, finally, she was out. And I didn't care about anything other than the fact that it was over. Isn't that terrible? Didn't even occur to me to ask if she was okay...I was just exhausted & done.

The next thing I remember with any clarity is my sister Baylee's face when our family came in to see Luci. Everyone was oohing & ahhing over Luci...except Baylee. She looked at me and asked if I was okay with the most disturbed/distraught/concerned look that I've ever seen. I must have looked as bad as I felt.

So - before I forget - back to mommy brain. While I don't remember the physical pain of labor, when I think about going through it all again I get a bit panicky. Like heart racing, breathing fast panicky. My conclusion? Mommy brain = self preservation. It is required to function during these last few weeks with the impending labor possible at any time. So thanks blank mind...thanks for protecting me and keeping my anxiety down regardless of the inevitable. I'll gladly take a temporary diagnosis of dim over panic attacks to get me through the next week. Now I'm actually hoping my mommy brain will be in full effect a week from tonight if I'm still pregnant. Cause that boy is coming out one way or another a week from tomorrow.

hanging in there

Appointment today went well...Dr. J let me complain, and then asked me if I was going to make it until the 28th (our mandatory evacuation date). I told her we were, unless she could tell me we needed to do it earlier. She asked for medical reasons or sympathetic reasons....I said either would do as long as she didn't specify which ;) Then she told me she'd see me back next week unless we met at the hospital first.

I'm having TONS of contractions, but they've all been unproductive. Surprisingly painful, but unproductive. My cervix is soft, but I'm not at all effaced or dilated. My fundal height measured 36, so he has dropped a teeny bit from last week. But overall he seems pretty content in there, despite my many 'practice' contractions.

But the best news of the last 24 hours? Clay is home now until January 7th for some serious family time. I'm so grateful and feel so blessed...what a wonderful way to spend the holidays...

Happy Saint Lucia Day!!

Today is St. Lucia day! To celebrate, we opened a gift from Grandma & Grandpa Pierse right after we woke up. Or, I should say, after we snuggled in Mom's bed over an episode of The Little Einsteins (takes awhile for me to ease out of bed these days). I told her it was a VERY special day, and that we had a present to open. With 100% seriousness, her eyes got HUGE, and she said, "it's Jesus's BIRTHDAY!!!"...cause she knows we can't open the presents under the tree until His birthday. It was adorable...and then I was worried she'd be disappointed, but she wasn't. Then I very excitedly exclaimed that it was St. Lucia Day! And that she had a present to open. And that after the present we'd go have a SUPER SPECIAL breakfast of donuts! "Strawberry! And a chocolate one!" she proclaimed. Cause I didn't have the ingredients to make Lucia buns, see. So special donuts had to do. She seemed fine with it....

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

the return of tails?

I'm guessing they won't last long, but I was pretty excited when she requested 'tails? tails?' today.

I hadn't realized she has my, um, lovely, forehead until I saw this photo...

Clay has one more trip before he starts family leave. I was lamenting having to do things on my own for too many days, and then I realized that this is the last few days Luci & I will have alone. And, of course, realizing that makes me weepy. So we are about to have some super special Mama/Luci time. There might be ice cream involved. Or donuts. Or ice cream & donuts (not on the same day, of course...even I have limits.) Or Christmas Cookies. I haven't quite decided yet. There will certainly be a great deal of Play-doh, Little People friends, stamps, painting, and tea parties involved. And with this new found perspective, I'm looking forward to spending a few final days of one on one QT with my favorite little lady.

silence is....

most likely a warning when a spirited 2 year old is involved....

see...she does know that her smiley stamp is for paper...

That is what I get for leaving her to play in her playroom while I attempt to address Christmas Cards!

"contracting beautifully"

Was what I heard this AM at my OB appointment. Every 4 minutes, for the 20 minutes I was hooked up to the machine. Dr. J was super excited & said if I was 4cm or more she was sending me straight to the hospital. I couldn't help but laugh a bit because I contracted with Luci too, and yet never progressed on my own. I let myself get excited for about 10 seconds, and then reminded myself that I knew better. And sure enough, I'm still not at all dilated.

Oh, and my fundal height went from 34 last week to 37 this week. Which means he's not dropped into the 'ready, set, go!' position. So instead I just get to enjoy uncomfortable non-productive contractions which feel like they are pushing him in the wrong direction!

That said, I think it might be time to pack a bag anyway. I'd hate to have to call home & rattle off all of the things I want to bring. Seeing the contractions on the paper made it a bit more real that he really will be joining us here on the outside one of these days. I can't believe I get to have another baby!! :)

Not that you care,

but I'm starting to swell up like a balloon. My watch, which is usually quite loose, left an imprint on my wrist tonight. I'm down to flip flops, tennis shoes that I can barely tie, and Dansko clogs that are supposed to be loose but are a bit snug. And my toes hurt. Why do my toes hurt? Oh, and the itchy skin...ugh, the itchy skin...right in the middle of my back. The sides of my hips actually hurt this AM from sleeping on them...all of that weight. Ugh.

I think he's dropped a bit. I was supposed to have an appointment tomorrow, but I've changed it to Wednesday so that Luci can stay home with Dad and I can go by myself. But don't worry, I'm going to check my blood pressure in the AM and if it is too high I'll call my OB and let her know in case she wants to see me.

Stay tuned for Luci's birth story. I want to get it documented before I have two experiences...I'm afraid with this mommy brain I'll get them confused.

It sounds like I'm complaining, doesn't it? I'm really not - just documenting our journey. I've actually never felt more grateful or blessed in my life. Balloon body & all :)

points for originiality!?!?!

Heard this morning:

"Somebody is having a baby soon! Either that or there is a summer festival somewhere missing its prized watermelon!!"

What do you say to that??? Um, thank you?

In other news, there might be the teeniest, tiniest snow flakes you ever did see falling deep in the heart of Texas!!! YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! I hope it accumulates a bit!!

disarray or work in progress, you pick

You pick, as Luci would say (we are all about giving her a choice these days). She often gives us random choices throughout the day...Dobby or Sally Mama? You pick.

Today, the sprightly one of the marriage is happy with all of our work in progress. The organized, tidy, timely military one is just short of losing it with the chaos we've been living in now for a few weeks. Every room in the house with the exception of our bedroom, Luci's bedroom and the bathrooms are somehow stuck mid-project.

Gus's room is obviously a huge project. And now I've got this crazy painting bug & I'm painting everything in sight 'blissful blue'. Clay walked in today as I was supposed to be finishing the second & final coat on the last items so we could check a project off, and instead he finds me painting a lamp base. I tell him I'm going for that custom coordinating look. He tells me I am indeed going for something, but that it's more headed in the direction of crazy...he then asks me if I'm going to paint the crib blue. Hahaha, funny man.



The dining room turns into my sewing room when I have sewing projects...and I've been mid-project for about a month now. Um, yeah. But I did go purchase the final supplies need yesterday, so again, that's progress in my world!

The living room is now donning a gorgeous Christmas tree that I talked sweet husband into getting this morning, even though it's going to be up for a month & he's skeptical about that. The lights are on the tree, but no decorations. So that's a project. And we need to set up the nativity scene...yet another project.

Then there is the packing away of Luci's clothes that no longer fit, since I know I won't be up for such a project after Gus is here. So there might be half full plastic storage containers all over waiting to be filled with clothes that have yet to be sorted &/or washed.

The laundry room is so full of baby clothes that we can barely maneuver in there. Why do I feel the need to wash every single thing, despite knowing it was washed before it was stored? And to boot, half of the clothes won't even fit him for months...so why must I wash it now to re-store it?!?!?!

Combine all of that with Clay's own list of projects to prepare for a potential move come March and I guess maybe we have disarray!?!?! Right now our kitchen island which is made of tile is missing a ton of grout. He's about start repair work and attempt to match the existing color. Wish him luck.

So, I suppose I should get off the Internet and finish a project or work before our 2 year old wakes up.