blessed again

written, but not published last thursday....
we've been blessed again. pregnancy #4, pea #5, was confirmed today by our favorite nurse after a blood draw. it is very, very, very early...as in, it could not be confirmed if it were any earlier. but i'm sharing anyway this time, because one the hardest things about our previous losses was not having the pregnancy, and therefore, loss, acknowledged....because we hadn't shared. not that i wanted to make my grief public, but it seemed unauthentic to pretend life was going on as normal when it was actually anything but. those pregnancies and those babies are forever a part of who i am. in my mind and in my heart i have one baby i get to live with now, and three that i don't. but i will someday, and i do feel in my heart as though i am a mama of 4...and now...5.

todays update, monday...
the second blood draw today showed that our pea is still growing...but it is still very, very, very early...i won't even be 5 weeks until friday. and i'm quite certain i ovulated late, so really i don't think our pea will be 5 weeks yet. that being said, all looks to be as well as it can be at this point. my favorite nurse has hooked me up with another check on my blood work a week from today, and if all looks well at that point, we'll get a quick peak at our pea on the big screen two weeks from today (aka an ultrasound).

we are so, so blessed.