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trying super hard to pick myself up by the bootstraps these days. clay has been gone a lot. like a lot, a lot. like 12 of the last 16 days. and it'll be 16 of the last 20 before he's finally home again. for 2 days. before he leaves again for 3. and then so on & so on & so on.


not sure why it feels like he's gone so much more. maybe because he is? maybe because luci is old enough to really understand he's not here & feel his absence? she is very emotional when he's gone. and when he's home (who am i kidding?) maybe she picks up on my stress? maybe it is her own stress? maybe a combo? she sobs for him. literally sobs. then he gets home & all she wants is mommy. which hurts his feelings. and frustrates us both. and then just when she finally warms up to him again it's time for him to go.


the week started out rough. kitchen renovation contractors showed up at 8:30a on sunday with a solo (at least, solo + kids) me not feeling well. no body seemed to know what they were doing. finally by tuesday the kitchen was at least put back together.


gus has been teething all week, up every 2 hours at night. diarrhea every diaper. thought it was just the teething. till last night. when lulu was up every 2 hours with diarrhea. so both had diarrhea today. and then lu vomited all over the dinner table, gus & me tonight. like out her nose vomit. then she had more diarrhea in her diaper while i was reading her a bedtime story (she still wears diapers to bed). after the diaper had been changed i went to put it in the diaper genie. runny poop flew across the room. onto the dresser, carpet, inside the diaper genie...but not on the plastic throw away part, of course. meanwhile gus was screaming his head off next door.

so after the poop was cleaned up i went to quiet the screaming head. i tried with all of my might to just relish in that sweet, cool chubby cheek next to mine.

we had a family health scare this week. found out yesterday that all is well...don't worry. while i was rocking with that chubby, wet cheek next to mine i started to think about my parents. cleaning up after me all those years. wondering if they know how much i love them. if they know how much it breaks my heart that my kiddos don't get to spend much time with them. how very much i wish my whole family could live in the same town. and then i wondered why i don't say such things more often. and why it seems easier to say on my blog than over the phone or in person. seems wrong. but better said here than left unsaid, right?

so i love you mom & dad. and i love you dear husband. here or not here. and of course i love my kids too...screaming, poop, vomit, & all.