spent.

i'm so spent i couldn't really even think of a title. i was thinking, 'i can't even think of a good title. i'm just spent'. so there you have it. i'm officially spent.


the house staging, packing & unpacking while continuing to mother my unborn, my toddler, & my drama filled incredibly emotional & suddenly insecure nearly four year old, not to mention an attempt at wife-ing (i'm fully aware that isn't the right word. or really even a word at all, but again, i'm spent) has taken its toll. i have nothing emotionally to give anyone except the occasional tears (to which luci asks me why i'm talking like a baby...i think because we tell her only babies cry, big girls use words?) and physically i'm beyond drained. i'm not sleeping well (that nausea/heartburn combo) and i know that is only making everything seem harder than it is.


in other news, yesterday was my last day as a gainfully employed professional. almost 12 years exactly. i started on july 7, 1999 at arthur andersen in chicago, and finished on july 15, 2011 at fifth third bank (in chicago...appropriately enough). i'm more emotional about this than i thought i'd be, and i'm having a hard time articulating those emotions. i'd like to. but again, i'm just too spent for the kind of cathartic thought and writing this seemingly momentous event requires & deserves.

the lu had one of her 4th birthday party celebrations today...the one with her friends as 'the craft place'. it went well for the most part, but it was a long day. more to come on that later. not sure why i'm so surprised at her fragile emotional state given my own. i'm certain they are connected.

i left my wallet at the grocery store after paying for her cake this morning. and didn't realize it until 5:30p. i'm grateful for the person who turned it in, untouched.

yep. that's about all i have in me at the moment.

i'm grateful for so many things. and i haven't forgotten how blessed i am. i swear. i'm just spent.