one year ago

today...i was rocking my one-day-shy of 4 month old baby when clay popped his head in and said, 'we got it' (it being a spot in the new denver base) with an adrenaline rush type of face & a thumbs up.  i'm not sure what my response to him was, but i do remember that as soon as he closed hugh's door i burst into tears.  overwhelmed & sad doesn't even begin to describe how i felt.  and while my head was filled with dread, i knew in my heart that my husband's prayers had been answered.  and so in a way, even though it didn't 'feel good', mine had too.

here we are a year later.  in the last month or so i finally feel like i've caught my breath.  our 'fixer' house has come together.  i randomly saw someone i knew at chick fil a two weeks ago (a nice feeling).  the kids have adjusted super well (although they still talk about texas all.the.time.) & the weather is amazing.  i can't wait to take advantage of the colorado outdoors more & more as our kids get older.  and the view...seriously.never.gets.old.  there is a spiritual awesomeness that is impossible to ignore when even simple tasks like grocery shopping are surrounded by such majesty.

that said, i do not feel the same sense of community here that we had built over 6 years in texas, but i am working on it.  it'll take awhile.  and while i miss that community, and my head likes to be stubborn now & then still, my heart does know we are in the place where we want to raise our family.

i find that sometimes a song captures a life phase so poignantly that it sort of becomes a theme song for that phase of life.  the theme song of my last year of college was 'closing time' by semisonic.  the last year has been "home" by phillip phillips.  tears flow every time i hear it, to this day.  'cept i don't hear phillip phillips singing to me...i hear the hearts of the three men who have taken care of me over the years through this song.  Him, my dad (if i had a nickel for every time he told me to settle down in a reassuring way when my type a anxiety got the best of me... ;), and clay.  it's been an unexpected gift.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoRkntoHkIE

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home