i'm falling for this baby. this fifth baby of ours. in the last few days i've let myself go there...to actually imagining meeting another sweet baby. i can't wait to see who we make next. i love luci so much and think she is so great that i can't even fathom how exciting it will be to watch another one grow...how (s)he'll be different from luce, and how s(he) might be the same. just thinking of getting to hold this baby brings tears to my eyes. and as i fall for this baby more & more, the idea of losing him/her brings more pain. more days of dreams to miss, i guess. i never really imagined meeting peas 2-4, never really imagined holding them...i just couldn't...it was way to painful and the wall just got higher & higher with each pea.
yet with each day that passes i find myself thinking a bit farther into the future. to Christmas time. sweet babypea #5 is due to arrive on december 27th. i can't help but think how special and lucky this pea would be to share a birthday with Jesus. and what an amazing Christmas gift this pea will hopefully be. luce & i pray every night for her brothers & sisters...and we ask this sweet baby to 'come play, peeez'.
the outcome of this one pregnancy puts us into one of two very different buckets. a sweet baby to hold puts us back into the 'normal' bucket in terms of pregnancy. and a loss at this point would put us in a very small (.16%) percentage of the population who experiences recurrent miscarriage or recurrent pregnancy loss. never in my life have i wanted to be 'normal' so badly.
peez come play.
2 comments:
Awww...so sweet Britt. I too, can't wait to meet the newest little pea!!
I was going to say the normal, "Everything will be fine" "Be postive" and "Try not to worry" but then I realized that if I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn't want or need to hear those things...and then I thought that if I were you, I don't know what I would want or need to hear...so instead, I'm going to say that I pray every night for you and that sweet little baby to continue to grow and be healthy....tonight, I will add for that baby to "come play, peez" Much love----
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