a sweet baby

is what we saw this morning. a baby who measured pretty much right on track at 7w1d, with a heartbeat between 150-160 bpm. not sure if it meets the technical Catholic criteria for a miracle, but in my own little world, i feel as though i have been blessed with my own little miracle.

i was 99.99% certain what we were going to see this morning (no baby)...proclaiming to my husband and our OB right before the ultrasound that i was confident i knew my body. i've not been so good over the last week...eating more carbs than i should (serious craving for PB&J), sugary desserts, having caffeine a few times, having a tea at starbucks, eating under-cooked eggs, deli meat...you get the idea. i stayed up late last night researching recurrent pregnancy loss, taking notes, and creating a very neat & orderly word document full of questions so that we could develop an appropriate action plan.

and then we found a sweet baby with a beating heart. and then i said holy #%*!, and burst into tears. and then i couldn't stop saying holy moly and i couldn't stop crying.

this last week, for the first time in my life, i understood the words "comforted by prayer". i seriously felt a comfort that i can't describe. i was sad, but i did feel a comfort that God was giving us what we needed. i was also mad...thinking that apparently what we needed was another pregnancy loss and my new mission was to find out why. and here He goes, showing me again that i just don't know. obviously, my mission is just to trust. and i promise to try harder.

thank you all for your kind words, sweet thoughts, and heart felt prayers. they made a difference.