november 28th

so i'm putting it out there. my money is on november 28th for sweet baby hugh's birthday. that is 41w1d...doctor ordered eviction day. went to the ob this am & he's actually crawled back up higher than he was last week and there is absolutely no indication that he's ready to come play. apparently my sweetpeas know it's better inside than out. which works up to a point, then it's time to evict. i often wonder what would have happened 'back in the day' before inductions. staying in for too long can be just as dangerous as coming out too early. that said, i'm pretty proud of my body & feel nothing but love for it. it's a nice feeling after years of insecurity in my teens & twenties. it's done what i've asked of it, and done it well.

this pregnancy has been very different. with the other two i used to daydream about snuggling & holding that sweet newborn. this go-round i haven't thought much at all about lovin on sweet hugh. no visualizing holding him, sitting in the rocker thinking about him...i'm just too preoccupied trying to balance the physical needs of pregnancy with lovin on the two babies that are already here & need me pretty much every waking minute.

this morning i had coffee with some friends. one of them has a sweet newborn boy. i saw him in his car seat & seriously had heart palpitations. 'i'm not ready, i'm not ready' was all that went through my head. then his mama scooped him & handed him over to me. he snuggled right in & just like that i was ready. i can TOTALLY do this again. in fact i was overcome with an almost immediate GRATITUDE that i GET to do this again.

so whenever you're ready baby hugh. mama's waiting.