thanksgiving...

On Thanksgiving we conceived. I know this, because I fully embraced TCOYF while trying to conceive Luci. I've peed on more sticks in the last 3 years than most people probably do in a life time. So I believe, the best of my humanly ability, that we conceived on Thanksgiving Day, 11/27/2008.

I tested positive at home on Monday, 12/8. After our last pregnancy & miscarriage, I was anxious to get in to my OB & have a beta done in order to determine my HCG levels. On day 29 it was confirmed that the level had almost tripled from day 27, and that was the best news we could hope for at such an early point. I made an appointment for what would be 8 weeks & 1 day after my last known period. That day was today.

The days since 12/8 have been incredibly anxious ones. I've not had any spotting, and I've felt remarkably well. So well that it has added to my anxiety that all may not be well with the pregnancy. I'm exhausted, but that is kind of par for the course with a toddler.

I read my horoscope this morning (I don't put much stock in it, but it adds entertainment value to my life so I usually read it) and thought, boo: You could be overwhelmed with a diverse range of facts today, some of which contradict others. You feel compelled to sort out the truth from the pile of information, but every time you think you know what's going on, something else suggests you got it wrong. Don't give up, even if you are frustrated. Stick with your process, but keep in mind that you'll need to give reality sufficient time to fully reveal itself.

Around 11:30a this morning Clay & I saw a baby measuring 6w3d. We had hoped to see a baby that measured around 8w1d. We did not see a beating heart. After a blood draw, we left with heavy hearts. At 3:30p my favorite nurse in the entire world called to tell me that my HCG level was surprisingly high given the baby we had seen earlier in the day. Our OB felt a full ultrasound was in order.

At 4p Clay left for a 4-day trip. At 4:30p my dear Amanda came down & accompanied me to a 5p ultrasound at the hospital with more sensitive equipment. The tech told me she couldn't give me any results (they always say that), and I told her I understood. I asked if I could look at the screen, and she told me I could once she had the images she needed. After a bit of a gruff start, she asked some sensitive questions in a very matter of fact way. I answered honestly & a bit emotionally. Once she had the required images, she turned on a dime & told me she saw a beating heart. She showed me a tiny, pulsing dot. She told me that in fact, she thought she saw two babies. That she measured two babies. And she thinks she saw two beating hearts. Two babies each measuring 6w1d. As opposed to 8w1d. She casually said I was probably off on my dates. I know that to the best of my human ability, I am not.

So for tonight, I am trying to calm my anxious heart by giving thanks. I am taking a page from my own intellectual book (as opposed to the scared, anxious emotional one that has been ruling all day), and thanking God for these two babies. I am thanking God for every single day that I get to be their mama here on earth. For everyday that I get to be a mama period...to all of my babies, born or unborn. So here I am...giving thanks & praying. Because as my hopeful favorite nurse said to us this morning, "Girl, science can't explain it all."