the party

the plates...the cupcake tree 'cake'...the second attempt at frosting & cake...this time she ate almost the whole thing...

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playing with Dad in my new pool!My pool is super fun....I especially like to climb in & out of it!

We finally had Luci's first birthday party! Better late than never, right? Our friends Trina & Margeaux Kemmerly, the Lawrence Family and Grandma & Grandpa Pierse were all here to help us celebrate. Thanks for coming!

Luci was blessed with lots of new toys!! We now have lots of fun Gymboree toys at home (thanks Margeaux!), a beautiful baby doll named Stllella (per Clara) whose length is 'perfect' & weight is 'just right' per her birth certificate, a couple of baby bottles, a blanket & a stroller (thanks Clara!), a few new sweet dresses, a little wading pool & some pool toys (thanks Gma & Gpa P!), and shape & animal sorting barn (from Mom & Dad). Quite a bit of loot for a one year old! Not to mention the gifts she got on her actual birthday and in the mail from loving family & friends!

In other news, Wednesday was Luci's 12 month well baby check up. She weighs 21 lbs, 9.3 oz (50%), is 31.5 inches long (95%) and her little head is 18.25 inches (75%). During the visit we talked about getting rid of the bottles...so Wednesday was our baby's last day with them. She was VERY upset by about 10a on Thursday...promptly pushing away any & all sippy cups, or throwing them on the floor...as if to say "HEY MOM....YOU FORGOT SOMETHING! NO CUP! WHERE IS MY BOTTLE!??!?!?!" Poor thing. Naps were rough...she cried off & on for both naps for more than 30 minutes. Luckily my friend Holly came to the rescue by recommending a great 'transition' sippy that looks like of like the bottle and has a nice soft spout. When I finally handed Luci that cup at 3p she took a few giant gulps and I knew we were going to make it. And the cup is only $2.99 at Kroger! Sweet! Thanks Holly! She doesn't seem to miss the bottle anymore, but I am hoping she ups her intake here pretty soon. I think the first day she maybe had 6oz and yesterday maybe 8-10oz. Hopefully we'll soon get up to our doctor recommended amount of 16-20oz. I've been trying to make up for it by letting her eat lots of grilled cheese & yogurt...which just happen to be two of her favorites...so that works out well!

opening of gifts

videos from luci's birthday...ugh...excuse my voice - good heavens it hurts my ears.

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ahhh

lulu (yes, we do call her that occasionally...usually in response to mamamama I say lululululu) is sleeping (2hrs+ at the moment), i got some much needed work done, the kitchen is relatively clean, and dirty clothes are in the washing machine. clay went back to work today (it has been awhile) but I managed to get a good walk in before left. physical activity does wonders for my mind...it is just hard to convince myself that braving the 100 degree hot wet blanket that envelopes me the minute the door opens is worth it. but it is.

luci's b-day party is now schedule for Friday night, with just 2 families from the 'hood and maybe gma & gpa pierse. we are excited. photos to come, along with a better late than never installment of 'notes at X'.

i'm trying to decide if & how to prepare for edward. i mean, edouard. what the heck is up with that spelling. i'm thinking a bit of rain is really all we'll see, but of course the news is alarmist & is showing all of the emergency preparations we should be making. i'm thinking maybe i'll go get a loaf of bread & jug of water. we have peanut butter for me, and bananas for luci...so we should be set for at least a few days without power, right? ;) ha...who are we kidding...in houston without AC? yeah right...lulu & i will be on the first flight out of here to anywhere we can get to! sorry feline friends...we'll miss you!

luci has been paying so much attention to her airplane push toy she forgot about her other little push toy. it is smaller & easier for her to push with her feet...so far...only backwards...

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now that I finally figured out how to do this onetruemedia business (thanks laura!) i might go back & post some videos I had a hard time loading before...so after the riding video are two videos of luci's first bite of cake!

jumbled

opening a birthday present from the atkins clan last week...you can see her little eyes are still off here...her only remaining symptom is some seriously nasty poo.... this kid. she is in to EVERYTHING. stacking cups go where??? in the toilet???
her little face is pressed up against the stair railing...trying to reach my cell phone...
bathroom door closed? no problem! i'll bang the doors on dad's bookcase!

sit in my chair to watch barney*? heck no...i think i'll tip it over & climb on it...

posts are getting to be like projects these days...I start many but never finish them. although the posts (thankfully) are just started in my head, as opposed to in my house...where everyone who stops over can see my unfinished work. today on a walk i started about 4 insightful, cathartic posts...but somehow they just end up a jumbled mess, and by the time I sit down to post, I no longer have the energy to sort through them turn them into coherent paragraphs that people might want to read. so i'll make an outline instead...that is what i used to do back in the paper writing days...

-balance. how. can. i. do. it. i've never been good at balancing. but i need to get better. for myself, for Luci, for clay & for our marriage.

-self. who am i these days. who do i want to be?

-fit. i am not fit. i have a huge belly, and i am not pregnant. yet i look it. i do not feel good about this. see balance, self.

-i missed the baby shower of my oldest (going on 20 years!), dearest, bestest friend this weekend because flights were full. when i realized on friday morning it wasn't going to happen i literally sobbed. i knew not making it was a risk, and i thought i was okay with taking that risk. i talked to her about it beforehand...and we both decided it would be okay if i didn't make it. but i wasn't okay. i'm still not really okay. my only solace is that i've promised myself i'll drag luci with me if i have to in order to see her before this baby comes. and after.

-luci's not been to chicago (at least, not since she's been on the 'outside') and that really bothers me. but she loves the cubs...she claps whenever she hears clapping on tv...

*we don't really watch as much tv as it appears we do...but when the tv is on she actually holds still long enough for me to capture her with the camera!

recovery

lovin' the frosting...not so much the cake.... frosting in the hair...perfect....
wearing her sweet hat & sittin in her chair...
what do i do with this present from aunt lee & uncle keith? climb on it?
thanks uncle keith & aunt lee! you can see i'm still not feeling 100%...my eyes look a little off...

luci & her dad (who she now refers to as 'cat'...haahahahaha) are recovering. clay's scope showed a healing sore, and he was doing much better until he caught luci's bug! so now they are both recovering from their fevers and the only remaining symptom is some fussiness (for both...love you babes ;)

luci has been working VERY hard on her words...she added cat last week thanks to aunt brooke & uncle sunidh, and loves the word so much she forgot all about the 'd' sound and calls clay cat. it cracks us up. she is also saying blueberry now (her favorite breakfast fruit)....she blows wind through her lips (the noise...i have no idea how to type it...but picture like rolling lips?) and then says [blowing/rolling lips]baaaeeyyy. it is VERY sweet.

also sweet? we saw her trying to share her paci with tallulah this morning. sweet, sweet baby!

it's always something

ugh. Luci woke up on Saturday with a pretty significant fever...reaching 103+ if you believe our thermometer; we didn't...so we bought a rectal & an ear thermometer like the doctor has...so I think the highest it got was 102.8...which was high enough. Although her fever was high, her behavior was close to normal (except for a few extra tears now & then) so I wasn't too worried. Today her fever is lower (100.4 just before bed), but she was not at all playful today & tears came with every stumble...very unusual for our rough & tumble climber. It was EXTRA hard for me to leave her with the baby-sitter...who was watching her for the first time...to go be with Clay. The good news is that when she woke up from her PM nap she seemed a bit more herself.

The 'scope' went well, and his doctor assumes that whatever was going on his esophagus is on the mend, because he found just a few nodules in a higher spot than anticipated in the esophagus. So we think that is good news...that perhaps there was a big ulcer that was down lower, but it is healing so the doctor just saw a few remnants at what was the edge of the sore. Clay has been feeling better the last few days and started drinking meal replacements that helped him to build some strength back up.

Despite cancelling the party, Aunt Brooke, Uncle Sunidh & Mom & Dad helped Luci celebrate on Friday night. She loved the frosting but didn't care much for the cake! We hope to reschedule the party for next week sometime - photos to come! Sadly blogger isn't working at the moment or I'd post the first bite of frosting photos. Tomorrow!

SO FUN TO BE ONE!

Her first birthday photo shoot... Sweet baby girl. I mean...sweet big girl.
Luci in her "Luci Chair" (it says LUCI behind her)...her gift from Mom & Dad. Unwrapping presents from Aunt Brooke & Uncle Sunidh.
Climbing out of the playhut from Grandma & Grandpa Rosonke!

Our sweet baby is 1 today. I can't believe its been a whole year since she joined us here on the 'outside'. I have a hard time remembering what life was like before her...but on the other hand it seems like she should still be an itty bitty baby...instead she is growing into her 'big girl' status more & more everyday.

Sadly Clay is not feeling better. He's not really eaten for a week now and is getting pretty weak. Since Luci's actual birthday party is more about us celebrating as parents (we made it a whole year!), we've decided to postpone it for a few weeks so that he can fully enjoy it. I talked to Luci about it & she seems really okay with everything ;) I do think Aunt Brooke & I will will get our way today though...I mean, the girl has waited a LONG TIME for her very first cupcake!

As for Clay, he's getting a 'scope' procedure done on Monday afternoon. Hopefully we'll know more after that.

banter

clara & luci had some great banter going...i was a bit late to catch it...but you get the idea!

good friends

Luci & Eleanor...all had fun times with the 'baby toys' that had been recently put away....and then brought out again! We have two of the same frog...and whatever one Eleanor had is the one Luci wanted!

Luci & Clara eating lunch...they did lots of sharing & sampling of one another's food! Poor Eleanor...Luci seemed to want to show affection...by way of patting Eleanor's head! Eleanor tolerated it, but was not thrilled...I love the look on her face!
Sweet friends...captivated by Sesame Street (sorry for letting them watch TV Lesley!)

busy

we had quite a weekend...and not in a good way. our good friends lost their unborn baby at week 14, and clay had a severe allergic reaction to some anti-malaria meds he was prescribed by the navy. luckily we have great friends...everybody is looking out for one another and that makes a HUGE difference. we've had lots of friends over for play dates...i'll post some photos & videos of those tomorrow.

as for dear husband...i finally talked clay into hitting a private er on sunday night and in 2 hours he managed to get a chest x-ray, ekg, blood drawn, and an iv. it is my new favorite medical establishment! talk about efficient! the malaria prevention med he was taking got stuck in his esophagus & he has developed an esophageal ulcer as a result. he really hasn't been able to eat or drink since late thursday and has been in a great deal of pain (in fact this is re-calibrating his pain scale it is so bad). luckily he gets to take a 'gi cocktail' a few times a day that numbs things up enough that he can drink a bit of water. just today he finally seems to be interested enough in food to smell what luci & i are eating. poor thing...i'd have been in tears for the last 4 days if i were him. this afternoon he put me on notice...as soon as he's better he's going on a 'food frenzy'!

all of this action has not slowed our luci down one bit! she's as bonkers as ever...

back in the swing of things

we had a great time in iowa, and got to visit Great Grandma & Grandpa Rosonke, Great Grandpa Halvorson, and we had lots of quality time with Grandma & Grandpa Rosonke, as well as Aunt Baylee & Mr. Drew. luci played bashful so frequently that my wrist is still sore from picking her up so often. the only time she wants to snuggle with me is when someone else wants to snuggle with her! our friends the christi (beckman) & brad bormann came home to see luci so we went over to the beckman's house and played with christi's nephews Cal & Cole. luci had a great time but did come home with this shiner thanks to a few blocks & a coffee table. she cried for about 40 seconds and hasn't noticed it since...she's TOUGH!

Luci with Great Grandma & Grandpa Rosonke
A good look a the shiner...if you make it big...please excuse the runny nose! gross!

Luci with her Grandma Rosonke...carefully studying some grass...
Luci...rightfully skeptical of Grandpa Rosonke's feeding methodology....
Luci & her Aunt Baaaaaayleeeeee (that is how we say it & Luci just lights up!)
Luci & Great Grandpa Halvorson

well we've been home now since late Monday night, but it seems like just today we are back into the swing of things. i think it has something to do with our cleaning folks having been here this morning...a clean house gets me motivated to keep a clean & orderly house. i finally tackled our piles of laundry and managed to get the dishwasher loaded for the day already.

this morning luci & i went to the mall to play at the 'enchanted forest'...basically a big foam play area with tunnels, bridges, frogs, flowers, etc...the strangest thing happen...this like five year old boy was TOTALLY smitten with her...to the point it creeped me out! how or why, exactly, i was creeped out by a 5 year old i'm not sure. but he would NOT leave Luci alone! he followed her around for the entire 30 minutes we were there...and kept saying, 'come here, baby'. he tried to get her into tunnels...and as i was scurrying to the other side of the tunnel as fast as i could (he followed her in), i looked in to see him hugging her. after the second time this happened we had to leave. i nicely told him about 50 times that she needed her space, that she was just learning to walk, and that he was too close to her (he was like inches away from her at all times). Luci, of course, was OBLIVIOUS! she just saw things to climb & that was all she could think about...she was running from one giant foam thing to another! i have no idea who this 5 year old belonged to...i didn't see any adult anywhere near him or even so much look at him (i was desperately trying to find his mom...hoping she'd distract him). so that made for an interesting first experience at the 'enchanted forest'.

pregnancy #2

Our second baby made its earthly presence known just long enough for us to be certain of its place in our heavenly family. After 'just knowing', I took a test a week ago Tuesday and saw a very faint positive line. I attributed the faintness of this line to it being day 27, and to it being mid-day (easier to see first thing in the AM after a night of infrequent bathroom use). I proceeded to take several (okay 5 more) dye tests...all resulting in a very faint positive line. On Wednesday afternoon I took a digital test...it said "YES+". I stopped testing & started rejoicing. It seemed too good to be true...it took us a long 8 months to get pregnant with Luci, and to get pregnant the first month of 'not not trying' was an amazing feeling.

I had a lot of cramping from the beginning...that was why I took the test on day 27. On Monday morning I started to bleed, and it still hasn't stopped. I 'just knew' I was miscarrying. I called Dr. Johnson's office & they told me to come in that afternoon. But I was in Iowa. So we headed home (we had been planning on that anyway), and yesterday I went in for a blood draw. I talked to the nurse this afternoon, and my hCG level was so low that the pregnancy test came back negative; all of the tissue had passed on Monday.

Despite hoping that my body & heart were wrong, I've 'just known' this to be true since mid-morning on Monday. The 9 hours of traveling that afternoon/evening were challenging, to say the least. I was very uncomfortable, sometimes in a fair amount of pain, and emotionally raw. I am shocked at how in love you can fall with a baby you've known about for less than week.

Today I am physically pretty much back to normal. Emotionally, however...not so much. Sometimes I am fine, sometimes I am sad, and sometimes I am mad. Mostly though, I am focusing on being grateful for the gifts that I have been given. I am especially grateful for my earthly family. Looking at Luci's goofy grin, hearing her say 'mamama'...I can't help but feel a warm peace come over my heart. The time will come when I meet our heavenly little one. Until then I will hug my Luci a little tighter and trust in my body and in God's plan for both our earthly & heavenly family.

Missing Dad

Spotting Dad and a much younger Luci... SO please to see Dad....
She'd be bashful, move away, and then move back to the photo & give it kisses.
Of course she wanted to pick it up & carry it around...because she wants to carry everything!

Both Luci & I are missing Clay. We get to email, but no phone conversations. Although I'm staying busy...as my fourth grade teacher would say, I'm running around like a 'chicken with its head cut off' trying to get us packed for the big 2.5 hour flight to Minneapolis & and then the 2.5 hour drive to Iowa. Not to mention the up to 6 days of stay at Grammy & Grampy's house! Wish me luck on first solo flight with Luci!

Have a great week everybody!

videos for Dad

Happy Belated 4th...

Luci's Dad is away with the Navy again...so we'll be sending him daily photos until Luci & I leave for Iowa (also known as the land without high speed Internet) on Wednesday. Clay will hopefully join us on Sunday in Iowa and then we'll all return home on Monday or Tuesday. Here are a few from today's photo shoot...she's looking for her dad in one of her photo books (she has 2 ;)

She first finds her friend Rachel & becomes distracted from the task at hand...which is to find Dad...


Success! Waving hello to Dad...

This is her "smile for Dad!" face... Clapping in response to my 'yay' response to her smile for Dad...

We had a fun & eventful 4th! We started the day early & hit our little downtown parade...Luci really enjoyed herself and had three big firsts...the parade itself being a first...where she clapped her hands all by herself (everyone was clapping lots), and sucked from a straw! Nothing like a Jamba Juice to motivate! She was so into the juice we had to take it away for fear she'd get brain freeze! It was very hot by 10a so we headed home...her little face gets very flushed very quickly in the heat.

After a big nap (for Luci) we hosted a BBQ for five other families...it was QUITE a day with 9 kiddos all under the age of 4 running around our house! Luci's toy airplane from Grammy Rosonke was the HIT of the party! Luci did great watching everybody play in her house with her toys; she really just took it all in. Clay did a great job grilling & everyone brought over yummy food. It was a great day!

*singing required

"Ouuuu, Ouuuuu"...I'm going to make the call (I know her dad disagrees) that 'out' was Luci's first word. She uses it multiple times a day as she heads to the door or the stroller with her shoes in hand. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to go out and she smiled so big the paci fell right out of her mouth...and then the 'ou, ou, ou' began & she said it over & over until we were in the car. This morning we went 'ouu' to get the paper. See her fancy new shades? They are foam and attach in the back of her head with velcro. Of course she doesn't like to keep them on her eyes...
I finally got her to look at the camera by saying, "where is Dad? Say, Hi Dad!"

Thanks again Grandma & Grandpa Pierse! Miss you already! (you can see Luci wasn't really into the photo shoot) The perils of laundry day...needless to say, the hamper just VANISHED!?!?! from the living room over night!
Why sit in your chair when you can carry it?!?!?

1. Joining a sorority*

2. Motherhood*

*singing required

Twice in my life I've been surprised to learn that something I've signed up for requires some serious singing capability. Shortly after becoming a Kappa I realized that singing was a major requirement...I sang so many of those songs over & over that after I had Luci & needed/wanted to sing to her, I realized the only songs I could remember all of the words to were Kappa songs. Which brings me to the second * nobody told me about...motherhood. I guess everybody knows babies like lullabies...but I didn't realize I'd have to sing in front of other mommies if I wanted to socialize my child...Kindermusik (should've known by the title), Gymboree, birthday parties, and even Mommy & Me Swim at the Y all require mommies to sing! Loudly! In front of other mommies! Now I'm not the worst singer in the world, but I'm not too keen on my introduction to other mommies being dependent on my ability to sing 'I'm a Little Pancake' to the tune of I'm a Little Teapot, or 'The Babies on the Mat' to the tune of 'The Wheels on the Bus' (the babies on the mat go bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce bounce, bounce...you get it, right?). And the worst part is that the groups are small enough that you have to sing or they know you aren't, but when you do, everybody obviously can pick out each persons voice! A note to all of you first-time expectant moms...it might be a good time to brush up on your kiddo songs!

I signed Luci up for Gymboree, and we 'terminated' our Y membership. Luci did not do well at the Y child care (being in the throes of separation anxiety), and every time I picked her up her entire little face was purple (her tears turn her skin purple & blotchy) all the way down to her chin. I just don't need to work out there that badly (I'm devastated, can you tell? ;). We'll try again when she's 18 months I think. The 0-18mo. side of the child watch was always full of sad, sad kiddos, and the 18mo - 3yr side was always full of happy toddlers. So we'll try again later. In the meantime we'll go for walks & play at Gymboree - basically a class full of similarly aged kiddos all climbing on foam tumbling type mats that are set up in different configurations each week. This week there was a 'mat mountain' and of course Luci went right for it, and then decided she wanted to walk up instead of crawling like everybody else. She's nuts.

Luci's climbing is reaching new heights. I was sort of being a bad mama yesterday...I was in the living room with her, but I was focused on her little 1st birthday invites...I looked up...and she was literally STANDING on this box, sippy cup in hand! And she was SO clearly PROUD of herself! I very slowly & gingerly walked over there & snatched her right up. I knew if I got too rambunctious she'd try to 'get away' and fall & hurt herself. The box also VANISHED!?!?! over night. What are we going to do with this kid?!?!