Here are some photos of my work:
I also attempted to finish our new master bedroom color scheme by customizing my purchased curtain panels...but I'm not having much luck with Amanda's sewing machine...and since my track record with them stinks (I've broken 2 now)...I think I'll have to put it on hold until I figure out what I'm doing!!
Speaking of what I'm doing...I've been working a lot at Starbucks these days (not actually working there for Starbucks, but doing my financial analysis work there) and every time I see a man come in dressed in a suit or a woman all dressed up, I miss working...I miss the bond with my co-workers & the fulfilment & blatant rewards (promotion, respect, title, etc) that go along with being good at what you do. I want to say, "Hey, I'm a professional too!! Don't be fooled by my T-shirt! Look at my spreadsheet!"
I seem to be going through some sort of weird minor identity crisis right now. My eye has been twitching for days (only happens when I'm super stressed), I have a lot of nervous energy, I've been ridiculously scatterbrained, I'm being very critical of my dear husband (sorry babe), and I'm just generally a bit antsy. I think I'm getting more comfortable & confident in my role as Luci's Mama...and maybe I'm looking for more.?.? Maybe I need to hear her to say, "Mama...you are great. I'm so glad you are here with me & that you are my mama." (ps - Clara-bird...maybe you could have a talk with Luci next time you see her...I know you are great at giving positive feedback to your mama!) And I know I shouldn't need this...and her little smile does warm my heart...and I take great pride in her growing list of accomplishments.
Or maybe it is that my day is equally filled with the duties that go along with 'running the house.' Laundry, loading & unloading the dishwasher, cleaning her highchair, cleaning the floor, changing her all-too-often poopy crib sheet (this is surprisingly hard work), and keeping the clutter to a minimum (this one is especially hard for me). I take pride in the way I load the dishwasher...I keep the turned upside down plastics to a min, keep her spoons separate (so the rubber part stays in tact), treat all of Luci's food caked clothes...all of these things...I do as well as I can...yet I'm not progressing or getting a promotion or a raise or additional, more interesting challenges. Just the same thing, different day.
Professionally I've always been ready to take on more after getting comfortable in my assigned role...and it usually takes about a year so we are right on schedule. But here's the thing...I don't want to want more...I am thrilled to be Luci's Mama...I don't want to want to be anything else. Staying home with her fulfills me more deeply than work ever did, so I'm not really sure what this is all about. So no profound resolution here...just sort of thinking and typing...trying to figure out what is going on with me.
2 comments:
First off- cute prayer on the wall. :0) Secondly, I can relate to missing work. I have missed it on and off since quitting. Sometimes I think, "this is my job?" but when I really think about it... I know I am lucky to get to have this as my job. The time you are spending with Luci right now you will never get back. your doing a good job Momma.... Luci will be letting you know soon enough. :0)
I went through this when Noelle turned 6 months. I looked for "part-time" work from home, but knew I didn't really want that, either. Than I went back to the masters in teaching program and then it got to be too much, and my balance was off. Funny, I found myself saying, "I just want to be a mom!" Either way, it's a hard choice, but I figure I have the rest of my life to work (and that'll be quite some time considering people are working until they're 70 these days!) When in doubt, just listen to that country song..."You're Gonna Miss This." That always works :)
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