celebrating our twin peas at 9 weeks

Only God knows what our twin peas need...but my body is up for the challenge if I'm it. Look at this! At 9 weeks! With babies that are measuring small! And actually it was taken last night...so it technically wasn't even at 9 weeks yet. But I was choosing joy & feelin as fancy-fancy (as Clara-pea would say) as I get these days with real clothes on. Maternity clothes, that is. I honestly have been sporting yoga pants or maternity pants since before 6 weeks. I figured my uterus was jumping the gun since it knows the drill by now...but I hope it was actually making room for two!

We head in to see Dr. Johnson tomorrow at 9:15a. I'm excited to have another look at our peas. When anxiety creeps back into my heart I repeat "Lord, please give us what we need." I'm taking it one day at a time & leaving tomorrow to Him. And today I'm doing all I can to celebrate 9 weeks with our twin peas.

He is Good

reading books.... cheeeeeeeese!

Here she is actually hanging upside down courtesty of Aunt Baylee!

The girl LOVES her some shooooooes.

Look at what He's given me so far! How can I not trust in that? I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to fill this body with peace. I'm fighting anxiety with my new mantra..."Lord, please give us what we need." And it seems to be working. I'm sleeping again and the pit of anxiety that has consumed me for the last 4 weeks has dissipated. When I feel it coming on I repeat "Lord, please give us what we need" over & over until I'm calm again. My type A personality may be a gift professionally, but boy does it require a lot of energy to subdue & maintain as a mama.

For those of you not 'in the know' on conception & OB lingo these days, peas 3 & 4 are two weeks smaller than they should be...that is not good. At such an early stage of the pregnancy, they should be measuring very close to right on, provided my dates are right. And as I said before in the last post, I know that they are. The growth hormone in my blood was high for no babies, but seemingly low for a baby at 8 weeks, and seemingly super low for two babies at 8 weeks. I feel fewer pregnancy symptoms everyday. I still have a belly bulge that is quite large, but that is about it. (I had hoped there was a wonderful reason that my pants no longer fit at 5.5 weeks! Now I know!)

On the positive side, my most favorite nurse called Friday morning to confirm everything the tech had told me on Thursday. She said the tech found 2 heartbeats...that is very good. I still have not spotted...that is very good. Clay & I will go back to our OB on Thursday morning for another look at our sweetpeas. I'm debating asking for another HCG (growth hormone) check on Monday, but I'm doing my best to just repeat, "Lord, please give us what we need." I know that all of the information I can gather will ultimately not change His plan for us. I am trying to be patient. I also know that the body & stats can fool us...if I've learned anything about motherhood through my own experience and the experiences of my friends, it is that often things are not what they seem. Thank you to everyone for your kind words & thoughts. All we can do is trust & have faith that He is Good, and He will give us what we need.

thanksgiving...

On Thanksgiving we conceived. I know this, because I fully embraced TCOYF while trying to conceive Luci. I've peed on more sticks in the last 3 years than most people probably do in a life time. So I believe, the best of my humanly ability, that we conceived on Thanksgiving Day, 11/27/2008.

I tested positive at home on Monday, 12/8. After our last pregnancy & miscarriage, I was anxious to get in to my OB & have a beta done in order to determine my HCG levels. On day 29 it was confirmed that the level had almost tripled from day 27, and that was the best news we could hope for at such an early point. I made an appointment for what would be 8 weeks & 1 day after my last known period. That day was today.

The days since 12/8 have been incredibly anxious ones. I've not had any spotting, and I've felt remarkably well. So well that it has added to my anxiety that all may not be well with the pregnancy. I'm exhausted, but that is kind of par for the course with a toddler.

I read my horoscope this morning (I don't put much stock in it, but it adds entertainment value to my life so I usually read it) and thought, boo: You could be overwhelmed with a diverse range of facts today, some of which contradict others. You feel compelled to sort out the truth from the pile of information, but every time you think you know what's going on, something else suggests you got it wrong. Don't give up, even if you are frustrated. Stick with your process, but keep in mind that you'll need to give reality sufficient time to fully reveal itself.

Around 11:30a this morning Clay & I saw a baby measuring 6w3d. We had hoped to see a baby that measured around 8w1d. We did not see a beating heart. After a blood draw, we left with heavy hearts. At 3:30p my favorite nurse in the entire world called to tell me that my HCG level was surprisingly high given the baby we had seen earlier in the day. Our OB felt a full ultrasound was in order.

At 4p Clay left for a 4-day trip. At 4:30p my dear Amanda came down & accompanied me to a 5p ultrasound at the hospital with more sensitive equipment. The tech told me she couldn't give me any results (they always say that), and I told her I understood. I asked if I could look at the screen, and she told me I could once she had the images she needed. After a bit of a gruff start, she asked some sensitive questions in a very matter of fact way. I answered honestly & a bit emotionally. Once she had the required images, she turned on a dime & told me she saw a beating heart. She showed me a tiny, pulsing dot. She told me that in fact, she thought she saw two babies. That she measured two babies. And she thinks she saw two beating hearts. Two babies each measuring 6w1d. As opposed to 8w1d. She casually said I was probably off on my dates. I know that to the best of my human ability, I am not.

So for tonight, I am trying to calm my anxious heart by giving thanks. I am taking a page from my own intellectual book (as opposed to the scared, anxious emotional one that has been ruling all day), and thanking God for these two babies. I am thanking God for every single day that I get to be their mama here on earth. For everyday that I get to be a mama period...to all of my babies, born or unborn. So here I am...giving thanks & praying. Because as my hopeful favorite nurse said to us this morning, "Girl, science can't explain it all."

Iowa in photos

Luci's first snow outfit courtesy of Grammy Rosonke...Luci had a bit of a challenge keeping her balance! Luckily Aunt Baylee was never too far away to catch her!

A few days later it was warm enough to venture outside...unfortunately we waited a bit too long & the snow had melted & then iced over...so it was hard crunchy snow. Aunt Baylee and Mr. Drew (see feet upper left) tried to show her it was fun.

But she was looking for MOM, ready to come back inside!

On Christmas morning!

we did it!

We (okay...maybe I) made it through a crazy busy holiday season!! Luci seems no worse for the wear. But we are home again and I am LOVING it.

In short...my camera arrives this afternoon with my sister Baylee & her bf Drew so I'll save the photos for another post.

Luci & I spent Christmas in Iowa with my family. My wonderful dad, sister & grandma drove 6 hours in one day to pick Luci & I up in Des Moines on Tuesday the 23rd. We played at Recess (an indoor play area) to wear Luci out for the 3 hour drive home. It worked. After watching Choo Choo Soul on repeat (maybe 3x?) she slept the rest of the way to Mom & Dad's. We had a blast visiting Harold & Myrtle the Great, Benny the Great (my grandparents & Luci's great-grandparents), all of my aunts & uncles on the Rosonke side, as well as Brenda & Mike the Great on the Halvorson side. We also got to visit our very good friends Renae & David Engel, as well as several of my high-school friends & their kiddos. It was a VERY busy trip, but also productive in that we got to see lots of people. On Sunday the 28th Mom, Dad & Baylee again drove 6 hours in one day to take us to Des Moines so we could fly home to see Clay. I actually bought a ticket because I knew if I didn't there was no way there would be space, and that Luci & I would be on our own for Christmas. I held Luci on my lap, and in short, I'll never, EVER do that again.

After a few days at home catching up with work & laundry we were off again to Indiana to see our Pierse family. We got to see all of Luci's aunts & uncles & cousin, as well as spend lots of time with her guh-ma & guh-pa. It was more relaxing than Iowa in that in Indiana everyone comes to Barb & Don's to see us, whereas in Iowa we are the ones making the trek....so that was nice. We also got to see some of Clay's cousins & some great family friends of Barb & Don's. Logistics to Indiana are MUCH easier, as the post airport drive is only 45 minutes compared to 3 hours in Iowa. We picked flights with lots of availability, and we managed to finagle 3 seats together both ways. Luci did GREAT with her own seat...so from now on that's how we'll roll.

I'm going to wrap up this post with a big THANK YOU to both Grammy & Grandpy Rosonke and Guh-ma & Guh-pa Pierse for so wonderfully accommodating us. I know I can be high maintenance & easily stressed & maybe even a bit grouchy at times during travel with my tot, but as I told my dad...I have an excuse...I come by it naturally ;)

gone again

I didn't get a chance to post about our Iowa adventure before we began our Indiana adventure. We are up visiting Clay's parents for a few days so I'll have lots to share once we return.

home again

yaaay. There is no place like home. I love going back to my parents' house & seeing family & friends, but then I love coming home. Clay thinks it is crazy how much I love to be home. Can't help it, just do.

Flights were relatively on-time and uneventful...except that Luci is TOO BIG to sit on my lap. She just doesn't fit. I couldn't reach my bag of tricks (full of stickers & colors & aqua doodley thing & DVDs & snacks), and then even when I could, we barely had room to play. The woman we sat next to on the way up was rude, rude, RUDE...so that didn't help. Luckily on the way home the young woman was exactly the opposite. We won't be flying that way again. Maybe if Clay had been with us it would have worked, but solo with a large 17 month old on my lap is not happening again.

Sadly, I forgot my camera at Mom & Dad's, but luckily Aunt Baylee & Mr. Drew (her sweet bf) are coming down to visit a week from Wednesday, so they'll bring it to me then.

More to come on our trip, but for now, I'm beat (as I tell Clay pretty much every night about 9p). So I'm off to bed. 'night.

my northern blood

nothing like a cat food can tower...

has thinned. It 'feels like' 30 here today and I was FREEZING. Should be an interesting few days as Luci & I head up north to Iowa. Sadly Clay has to work tomorrow late afternoon through Saturday night...so Luci & I are hitting Grammy & Grampy's house for Christmas. Keep your fingers crossed for me that the 2+ hour flight goes well with her on my lap. And then that the 3 hour drive goes well...

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no, it wasn't

Clay flying that airplane in Denver. Thank goodness. Our thoughts & prayers go out to all aboard.

luci, what is your baby cousin's name?

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This was filmed back on 12/9 when we were still sick! I tried to get a better video this morning, but when I asked her what her cousin's name was she laughed/screeched & took off running. Then I asked her if she could say Asher...and she shook her head no...followed by a screech & a run into the kitchen! Screeching is her new favorite thing...

We again went to the pedi this week after a night of no sleep between 12:30a and 3:15a...I was worried about the ears, but it turned out to be her canine teeth. She's been up everyday this week at 5:30a...UGH. But anyway, back to the reason I'm telling you this...because at the office we saw a newborn baby who was introduced to us by her 3ish year old brother...and I said, "Luci, look at the baby!!" And Luci said, "Asher!"

first hair cut!!

The first several are 'before' and the hot pink sweater photos (yes, I know she is wearing 3 different patterns ;) are 'after'. I have captions on some of them, but I'm not sure if all of you readers can see them...

Luci has very fine, kind of bonkers hair...it has been that way since she was born, really. And while her sweet little girl mullet was adorable to us as her mom & dad...I feared it was just sort of looking unkempt to the rest of the world. So I decided (sort of all of the sudden) that she needed her first hair cut, and she needed it TODAY. I web stalked kiddie cut places last night & called the two I had narrowed it down to this morning when they opened at 10a. We settled on Sweet & Sassy (where her little friend goes, of course) at 4p...but she woke up early from her nap so I took her in at 3p instead. At first she did great in the chair...let me buckle her in...put the hair gown thingy on...and then just as the stylist was ready to snip she started to FREAK OUT. Like hysterically trying to get out of the chair & practically hurting herself because she was still strapped in. Luckily the stylist was not phased by this and told me she could cut the hair while I held Luci. So I stood & held Luci...asking her where my eyes were, my nose, etc. to get her to look forward & hold still. All in the actual cutting took maybe 45 seconds...and $15.95 later (+ tip) our Luci is rockin a sweet baby girl style that, to me, screams "Nan". To me, it looks like the hair cut a little girl named Nan would wear. Like a little kids school book...with Dick and Jane, and Nan...this is Nan's hair cut. It is en route to a bob. Nan has blond hair & it looks like Luci's. Strange...I know. But I'm tellin ya, it is a "Nan" cut.

Unfortunately Dad is & was not really on board. He got kind of choked up when he realized how short the back was and that her little curls were gone. I told him not to worry...I brought the curls home in a little plastic baggy. And for the record, I did stick to my promise and I did not let them 'make her look like a boy'.

Now really, truth be told, I wanted to get a hair cut too...but December is an expensive month...and let's just say my haircut costs more than $15.95. So Lil Luce got to be the big winner & in the process we both feel a bit fresher, even if she's the only one with a new 'do. And I'm pretty sure Dad will come around too...it might just take a little while. But we're patient :)

better

Doesn't she look like such a big girl in this photo??
I was trying to get a good photo in front of the tree...and it was not easy. I finally asked, "where is Guh?" just to get her to look at me. This is her answer (all 4 guh's are far, far away).

Then I thought maybe I could get a better photo with a zebra to keep her busy...not so much though.Funny story...I bought this fleece for Luci a few days before Guh Pierse (Barb) came down to help out while we were sick. She came bearing gifts...of the matching hat & mittens!! Guh & I have such good taste :)

I'd say Luci is very close to all better....probably 93% better with a few points taken away for a lingering cough. However since our pedi said the cough could linger for months, I'm going to say she is pretty much all better. I've not wiped a runny nose in days! I'm looking forward to resuming our normal activities this week (library, Gymboree & playgroup) and seeing some friends. The park is more fun for Mom when I call a girlfriend up ahead of time to meet us there. And I'd like to think it is more fun for Luci too when she has friends there :)

I'm getting better every day too, although I've not quite bounced back like a toddler...I think I must be getting old.

And the little lady is up...saying, "Ma? Ma?" I love listening to her little voice when she wakes up happy from a nap. Now she's up there cracking up about something...I love it.

on the mend

Thanks Guh...we miss you. Luci walked into our guest room this morning (the first morning Guh was gone) and said, "Guuuuuhhhh, Guuuuhhhh" in the same tone she does when she's lost her baa and calls for it!

Could have been a Christmas card winner...but obviously Luci wasn't into it.

Well I think we are on the mend. Luci's rash has all but completely cleared up, and her cough and snot are lightening up...I think. Grandma Pierse came down for the weekend and really saved the day for this sick mama. I slept most of the day away on Saturday and woke up Sunday feeling more rested than I have in weeks. We are getting there...which is great, because even though I feel like crap most of the time, I miss my friends!

RSV & an allergic reaction to amoxicillin

Tonight without clothes, but with diaper. I let her run around diaper-less twice today & she peed both times! Of course!

Earlier today before the doctor visit...

another shot from tonight...we think it is looking a bit better here...do you?

It is official...Luci tested positive for RSV today. The rash yesterday turned out to be a reaction to the amoxicillin...and it got MUCH worse today. So we were off to the doctor again for the second day in a row...this time to see our own pedi who we adore. He was fairly concerned about the rash so we've stopped all antibiotics at this point. Yesterday she was diagnosed with the double ear infection but given the RSV and the rash he's decided not to treat them at this point.

Grandma Pierse arrived around noon (thank goodness...or, should I say, thank Grandma!) with a little penguin box that kept Luci occupied much of the day. She also treated us to some of her yummy chicken & rice soup for dinner. I'm very grateful for the extra set of hands, eyes & overall support.

As for me, I don't even realize how horrible I feel until Luci is napping or sleeping at night. Either I get substantially worse at these times (could happen), or I'm so worried about Luci & busy tending to her when she's up that I don't notice how miserable I am. Right now (she's been asleep for almost 2 hours tonight) I am MISERABLE and heading to bed shortly.

sick, sad & sleepless

Luci woke up this morning with a rash. On top of her cold. And her blowout diapers.
And her cough. And on again, off again fever. ugh. And her afternoon nap lasted a whole 45 minutes. sweet!

I was hoping to meet my sweet baby nephew Asher on Saturday, but at this rate it is looking less & less likely that it'll happen. Sad. I'm sick & sleepless due to my cough, and a call to my OB this morning confirmed I can't take the meds I want to. boo.

Regardless, my wonderful MIL is headed down tomorrow morning...either to watch Luci while I head to Tucson if I start to feel human, or just to help out so I can get some rest if I don't! Clay's been working a lot & was only home 1 in 8 days this week...he returns on Sunday...so I am looking forward to another set of helpful hands.

All in, I'm still focusing on all of the many blessings we have...and they are MANY.

sick again...or maybe still...

somehow all of our kitchen & bath towels become shawls... check out my winter hat! it matches my puffer jacket :)

it was a hat day...the girl loves her some hats.

not sure what this was all about...

sharing her 'baaa' (paci) with her 'baayyy' (baby)...and saying 'cheeeee' (cheese)!

Ugh. What a few weeks this has been. Luci was diagnosed with her first ear infection last Wednesday and has a horrible cough. But luckily, it isn't as HORRIBLE as mine. This morning I woke up & felt so miserable I decided to cave & go to the doctor even though I had to bring Luci with me. Maybe a good thing I did...I have a sinus infection (I knew that one), and atypical bronchitis. Fun times. At least I have some meds now & hopefully will be feeling better soon. The tricky part is that since we are actively trying to conceive I'm limited on what medicine I can take....aka the ones that historically I know have worked for me. I have a deviated septum so let's just say I'm no stranger to sinus infections or the following meds. But hopefully we'll be a healthy household again soon!

fussybudget

We tried to take a photo for our Christmas card this afternoon. At this rate we won't be sending one...but if I really wanted to send one out that captures our life at the moment, this gem would be the big winner!

Yes, we've had a few good days here & there. But mostly? Not so good. What is going on with our child? The kid has been F.U.S.S.Y. for almost an entire month now! It started on Halloween...as did her cold. She is SO clingy...if I even start to head upstairs without her she starts to frantically say mom, MOM, MAAAAOOOOM!! She whines, plops her head pitifully down on the floor & bursts into tears about 10 times a day. And extra fun for me, she's started this new thing of standing beneath me & tugging on my shirt and saying MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAAAAAAAAAAA...EEHHHHHHHHHH....MAMAMA!

On a lighter note, she's into draping things around herself these days...blankets, towels, dirty clothes...you name it! Pardon the bubble gum medicine on her pjs...She LOVED watching the parade on TV! She moved those little feet right along with the tap dancers...Look Mom! A Sesame Street float!

16 months!

Our Pea is 16 months old today...man the time goes by more quickly each month!

Some notes....
-She usually wakes at 7a, and is in the process of getting to bed at 7p...usually asleep by 8p.
-She takes one nap, usually between 12p & 1p. It lasts anywhere from 1 1/2 hours to 3 hours on the crazy long side indicating she's probably not feeling well.
-She is in size 5 diapers, size 18month pants, and 24mo or 2T shirts! She is a very long girl, and shirts that would fit her little torso width wise are getting too short. Shoes are size 6. Socks are 12-24 months, as are tights.
-In addition to loving Elmo, she likes Cookie Monster, and now cannot get enough of her Choo Choo Soul music DVD. She comes up to me and asks, "Choo? Choo?" She also carries around a little train saying choo, choo. Very cute.
-Coloring...drives me CRAZY but she loves it. Interestingly enough I couldn't wait for her to want to color & craft...and now I just dread when she points to her coloring table & says cuu. It is great fun for about 10 minutes...then she wants to throw her coloring table & crayons everywhere. I find myself saying these gems over & over...."Luci, coloring is a sit still activity... Luci, we can only play with our crayons at our coloring table. Luci, crayons are not for throwing... Luci, we do not put crayons in our mouth. Luci, we only color on paper. Luci, we do not [insert unacceptable behavior here]." She does it again. "Luci, Mama asked you not to [insert same unacceptable behavior here]. Luci, if you [x] again Mama is going to take away the crayons..." And then 9 times out of ten she does the same unacceptable behavior again while looking at me, possibly shaking her head no. And then I say, "Luci, now Mama has to put away the crayons. Mama asked you not to [x], and you didn't listen. So now we have to put away the crayons." Then she cries & screams & stomps her feet & flails her arms. Sounds like fun, right?
-Climbing...it seems like overnight she has mastered our little play structure at the park. She can climb up the stairs and go down all three slides, all on her own. Sometimes she goes down feet first on her tummy...something she discovered completely on her own!
-She's started to take outside stairs like she does inside stairs...rarely turning around backwards & climbing down, but rather taking them as though she's a grown person.
-She's got the "more" sign down completely. Except instead of two pinched like hands, one is open & the other pinched like hand touches the other open flat hand. Pretty cute. She also knows "all done", but usually prefers just to push the plate away from her to indicate she is done eating. She uses more in the context of a few things, but all done is only used with regard to meals at this point.
-The baa. I mean paci. She's named the paci "baaa." We were doing a great job with limiting it to her bedroom & the car...until this month. When she's sick & whiny I am such a sucker for the baaa. I take full responsibility for this...I need her to have the baa more than she does. I vow to work on this.
-Baby....the girl loves her baby! She has two that she really likes, but with one being a clear favorite. The Lawrences gave her this baby along with a baby doll stroller, baby doll blanket & 2 baby doll bottles for her first birthday. This is far & away her favorite toy these days. We now take baby doll for walks in its little stroller around the block. Sometimes we even walk baby doll to the park. It takes a LONG TIME.
-Words...she's got lots of words, although they don't sound like yours or mine. Cuu can mean cup or color. It also means potty for some reason. Caa is cat, and meow is a high pitched hmmmmm. Caaa can also mean car. Dog is just a goofy barking sound...and cow is the same sound. Baa is paci. ahsigh is outside. shoes are a very distinct shhhhh. grandparents are guh. Clara is sort of caahaaa. Baaa is also baby doll or ball or balloon. If I ask her to say hi she waves. If I ask her to use her sounds she whispers hi. If I ask her to say bye she waves. If I ask her to say goodnight she waves & blows a kiss. If I ask her if she wants breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack she says mmmmm. Pigs say "kkkk, kkk", ducks say "kaa, kaaa", bears say "rraaahhhhhhr", monkeys say "oo, ooo, ooo".
-Other communication...she goes to the pantry & points if she wants a snack. She's very good at pointing to what she wants. She understands nearly everything. She knows when I ask if she's ready for nap or bed or bath. When I ask her for a hug she now really hugs me with two arms instead of doing her little head only hug. She fully understands how to blow a kiss. She doesn't quite seem to get some if x then y statements. She usually gets it when we use it in discipline, but doesn't seem to get if you eat more peas i'll give you more blueberries.
-She puts her finger on her nose & says shhhh and knows that means soft/quiet. She knows you hear things with your ears...if a dog starts to bark & I ask her if she can hear the dog she points to her ear. She has EXCELLENT hearing...she often points to her ear as if she hears something and when I really concentrate & listen then I hear it too (dogs, sirens, etc).
-She can identify her eyes, ears nose, tongue, teeth, head, toes, fingers, knees, and hands. and belly.
-She is ALL about shutting things...drawers, doors, the dishwasher, the refrigerator...
-She has graduated from the high chair to the booster seat at the kitchen table. She does pretty well with keeping plates & bowls on the table. Her silverware progress continues, although not at rapid pace. And I'm kind of lazy about the silverware now that we are in the booster....much greater potential for mess!
-The girl LOVES her some books!
-She's started to hang out more in her crib before & after sleep...just chatting...often she'll start to cry after 20 minutes or so of hanging out. Sometimes we go in & she's on her back with her feet up on the sides of the crib. Cracks me up.
-Usually I give her a choice in shirts or outfits. Most days she picks one without hesitation. Other days she wants nothing to do with either of them...like today.
-Her hair is getting kind of bonkers and I am wondering if I should break down & get it cut. Her three long strands in the front are ALWAYS getting in her eyes, and she will NOT leave a bow, barrette or pony in to save her life. She literally will tear it & all of her hair out with it every time. She also has a bit of a mullet like look going on because of the little bald spot she had on the back of her head for so long. She has these long, fine hairs on the top and then this sort of thicker under coat of hair...it really is sort of strange!
-In the morning when our coffee maker beeps to let me know coffee is ready she makes an alarmed sort of noise, then claps :)
-This last month has been tough health wise...seems like she's had a cold since late October...yes, as a matter of fact, it all started on Halloween. I called the nurse line at our pedi's office this morning because I'm worried about her cough & the rattling sound coming from her...she sounds like a very happy cat when she breathes. I expected the nurse to tell me she was fine & just to keep an eye on her, but the nurse wanted us to come in this afternoon to rule out an upper respiratory infection. Normally I would have waited a few more days, but with the holiday coming up I knew it was today or next Monday. So we'll head in this afternoon...I guess kids aren't supposed to sound like cats...***UPDATE***Just got home...sweet baby was diagnosed with her first ear infection today at 16 months...so she just had her very first dose of an antibiotic. mmm...bubble gum! No upper respiratory infection though thank goodness.