Good-bye Baa, Hello Dobby!!

Meet Dobby. And yes, that is Luci's Halloween costume. We wear it pretty much all day, every day. The 5-in-1 carrier...

Sportin her new "butterfly slippers" from Aunt Brooke....thanks Aunt Brooke!

One of the five ways to carry...on the back!

You can also sort of change her diaper...

We had planned to potty train before Gus's arrival, but given that I can barely get myself to the bathroom in time these days we've decided to hold off on that...and decided instead to do away with her beloved paci!

Soooo...drum roll please....last night our Luci slept through the night WITHOUT HER PACI!!! We've been talking up the transition now for about a week. We saw a neighbor baby (baby Maren) last week at the park & I jumped at the chance to explain to Luci that baas (pacis) are only for babies. Then I asked her who the baby was...baby Maren she said....and who the big girl was...Woo-ci she said (that's how she says Luci). And everyday since then we've been talking about how soon we were going to give our baas to baby Maren because she is a baby & needs them, and Luci is a big girl and doesn't. We talked about our big girl friends Clara & Caroline and how they don't have baas either, because they are big girls. We also talked about how Gus will have a baa, because he'll be a baby.

Our original plan was for tonight (Saturday), but Clay got home early (the 1x per year allotment of when delays mean early to home instead of late) yesterday instead of today, so we decided no reason to wait. We talked it up in the morning and told her at nap time it would be her last sleep time with baas in her bed...because baby Maren needed them...and she did not. After nap we put her 2 baas in a little gift bag with pink paper & she carried it around until we headed over to baby Maren's house. She was a very big girl and gave them quite willingly to Maren. We kept telling her how proud of her we were and she kept repeating, "Mom so proud of you." And then we were off for her very first trip to the toy store to pick out a new baby doll (aka a distraction). Or a 'daughter' as she called it. Cause she's a big girl now see, so clearly she's ready for a daughter!!

The toy store went about as I thought at would...excitement soon turned into overload and "mine, mine, I want this" started to apply to everything. Pleasant version: I worked very hard to keep her on task & we were out of there in about 5 minutes with a new baby that came in a 5-in-1 carrier type thing & a bottle. More accurate version: I rushed to pay while Clay scooped her out of there screaming & crying as we left behind a xylophone she wanted...

Once in the car with the doll out of the package she was delighted. We asked her what her new baby's name was and she said "Dobby". Which is her favorite random word that we've never known the meaning of. (Mom, say dobby, Mom say dobby...okay, dobby!?!) So Dobby it is. Dobby came to our very special dinner of "chips & ice cream" aka Chuy's Mexican where we eat chips & dessert is a push-up. Once home we played with Dobby until bedtime.

Overall her mood was VERY volatile all afternoon...giggling one minute, having a major angry meltdown the next. She totally knew what was happening & I think it was all a bit overwhelming for her. But once in bed she only cried out a few times and we didn't ever have to even go into her room before she fell asleep....and stayed asleep until 6:30a...and then played happily in bed with Dobby until 7a.

Nap time today was quite a different story...she cried on & off (mostly on) for about an hour before finally giving in. I went and 'nuggled' (snuggled)with her but she was so bonkers I decided I wasn't helping matters. She just kept flailing about like a fish out of water, crying "I need my baa". Once finally asleep she did fine for about an hour, but then couldn't settle back down as she normally would when she wakes up mid-nap (they are usually about 2 hours). I was napping too, and since neither of us were ready to get up (she was crying but not saying any words...like a 1/2 asleep cry) I crawled into bed with her and we slept another 45 minutes until my cough woke her up. At that point she realized I was in bed with her and said, "BLESS you, Mama!"

She was well behaved this afternoon post nap, but tonight she's having a hard time falling asleep again. She's been up there about 30 minutes and I've already gone up once, but usually it takes her about 45-60 minutes to fall asleep so we'll see how the next half an hour goes. At least she's not crying a ton like at nap time...at least...not yet!

Regardless, we know how hard this is for her, and we are SO proud of her!!

update....she's up there now sucking on Dobby's bottle...is that allowed?!?!!?

Welcome Austyn Sage Rosonke!!

Please welcome Luci's newest cousin...baby girl Austyn Sage Rosonke!

She arrived last night & weighed in at 7lbs, 15oz, stretching 19.5 inches long.

Proud parents Ben & Chelsi are doing well & enjoying their sweet baby girl...CONGRATS!!

Please excuse the cell phone quality of the photos!

don't worry mama.

scene: heading up the stairs to bed tonight. luci is carrying one of her favorite play blankets (her KKG blankey...hours of princess fun while wearing it as a cape thanks to Miss Kelly) upstairs, to have a "new bed blanket". she puts the blanket OVER her head while walking up the stairs.

mama: (right beside her), Luci, we don't put blankets over our head when we are walking around or going up or down the stairs. It's dangerous because you can't see, and so you could bump into something and get hurt.

luci: don't worry mama.

WHAT?!?!! usually she'd just repeat what I said, saying something about getting a boo boo. WHEN DID SHE GET SO BIG? articulating thoughts of her own? i think we are in trouble. the first, but I am certain NOT the last time i'll hear "don't worry mama."

almost 34 weeks! And 4 years!

Holy cow....does that mean just over 6 weeks to go?!?!?!? WHATTTT!!!!

We've started on the nursery. And by started I mean the headboard & foot board of our guest bed are now up in the garage attic. How Clay managed that one on his own I'll never know & I don't think I want to (there are no stairs...so somehow he hoisted it up there by himself?!?!?!)! Clay has painted a corner of the room...just enough so we know we like the color. [UPDATE: PAINTING IS COMPLETE!!] Which we knew already because it is all over the first floor of our house. Um, yeah. So we've started. Oh, and we have 1 blue crib sheet thanks to Aunt Brooke. I tried to find where we were with the nursery with Luce...and I found that at 35 weeks we had EVERYTHING done. Like clothes washed & diapers ready & that sort of thing. HOLY COW. Gus's wardrobe to date...largely courtesy of Asher...is still in the box that Aunt Brooke sent it in. It stayed in the dining room for weeks, only to make it up to Gus's room last week. Um, yeah. And newborn diapers? Not a one to be found...[UPDATE: JUST GOT ONE IN THE MAIL FROM HUGGIES ;]

And just for kicks, here is a fun photo of us at this barely 34 weeks point with Luce. Could we look any more fresh faced? This time around Amanda is again throwing a shower for us in a few weeks, but just girls this time. I'm quite certain a photo from that event will reveal a much wiser face of motherhood...one that lacks the glow and has added a few wrinkles. Interestingly enough it feels hard earned & I'm okay with it!

I'm sleeping well for the most part...like a rock actually. 2 hours during nap time, then to bed around 10p or 11p if Clay is home, up every 2 hours to pee, then up for good around 7a. I've had a few crazy dreams but nothing like with Luci. Clay says I'm snoring...and he's waking me up every few hours to tell me to knock it off...which just makes me mad apparently and then I promptly fall right back to sleep (I don't remember these interactions very well so I'm left to go on his accounting of the matter). My back feels okay most of the time, but his poky little elbows, knees & feet definitely get up in my ribs & hurt my mid section many, many times a day. He's quite the mover & I'm pretty sure he gets a kick out of dancing on my bladder much of the day. If I'm hydrated I am literally visiting the bathroom every 3-5 minutes...no joke. Luci says, "No mom potty AGAIN!" I second that, kiddo.

I've been having some contractions now for a few weeks...I'd say they are not insignificant!??! A few weeks ago they were every 5 minutes for about an hour & a half. I chugged water (being dehydrated can cause contractions & pre-term labor) and rested on my left side (the place to be when you are pregnant and need to rest) and they were largely gone by the time I went to bed. It's been a bit unnerving given that I never really had this with Luci until about 40 weeks. The biggest difference is just the pressure this time...I literally feel every little pound of him - and then some - weighing low on my insides. I really don't remember that particular sensation much with Luci. And it has been going on for months! I thought it was the style of pant I was wearing (demi panel), but it turns out it's just that big boy squishing me from the inside out!

My appointment this week with my favorite doctor ended up being an appointment with my favorite nurse. Dr. J had to rush out to deliver two babies so given I didn't have any major concerns it worked out just fine. I've gained as much weight to date with this pregnancy as I did in my entire pregnancy with Luci. Fun times. I'm measuring right on track though, at 33 1/2 weeks, so that is good news. Favorite Nurse & I looked at Gus on the ultrasound and got a GREAT view of his little face...he has big cheeks and is, of course, super cute :). This also indicates he's posterior (sunny side or face up) just like his big sister was. Which means a more difficult labor with back labor and more pushing. And here I've been telling myself for months that the labor, delivery & recovery COULDN'T POSSIBLY be as difficult as it was with Luci. Or maybe it could, I guess...ah, SUPER fun times...

Oh, and did I mention today marks 4 years of wedded bliss? Happy Anniversary my love.

Happy Birthday to my favorite Veteran...

working on Dad's cake...' licking the beater' is what we called it growing up...it was a new concept to Luce but I think she got the hang of it...

You're only 2 once, right?

Singing Happy Birthday to Dad the night before his b-day...

blowing out his candle...Luci said he wished for cake...and it came true!!

Today is Clay's birthday...a BIG birthday...but I won't tell you which one (born in 1969...)

The celebration began last night...that happens when your 2 year old is SO excited the day before her dad's birthday that she doesn't nap! Yes, Luce stayed awake in her bed for almost 3 hours yesterday singing Happy Birthday to Daddy and proclaiming that Daddy's birthday was TODAY, not tomorrow. She was VERY much looking forward to the purple cake that she had plans to give him. For the last few weeks I asked her almost daily what she wanted to get Dad...and it was always a cake. A purple cake. Sometimes a purple AND a green cake. So being the clever mama I am, we made cupcakes, put cream cheese frosting on them (cause food coloring does horrible things to her skin), and then bought $5 worth of sprinkle dots in different colors...so Dad did indeed get a purple cake, and a green one, and a yellow one. What a lucky dad, no? Oh, did I fail to mention the man doesn't even like cake!!?!?!? What a trooper...he put on a good show of thanksgiving :)

Today we started bright & early with gift opening before we even brushed our teeth. I thought Luci would be excited to help me wrap, but no...she's not quite ready for that. Finally after a bit of drama Dad opened his gifts. He received a fall cord blazer from Luci & me, a few books, a magazine subscription, and a Cubs hat from his 'rents. Overall a pretty good b-day, I hope.

I also made him lasagna for dinner and apple crisp for dessert. He's putting Luci to bed now and then we'll be able to enjoy said apple crisp peacefully...with vanilla bean ice cream on the side. Yummm......

Seems like such a big milestone needed more, but he told me MONTHS ago that he really hoped that I wasn't planning anything big for this birthday. And he was genuine & adamant. So I obliged...but it feels sort of wrong...like we under-celebrated or something. Happy Birthday handsome man...I love you!

PS.

Happy Veteran's Day...please remember that this is the home of the free because of the brave!

trends

Here she is...with a sweatshirt, a hat, a lunchbox, her trick or treat bag, and a pair of socks. I asked her where she was going and she said, "get a groceries, like Mom does." I hate to admit it, but for some reason the more pregnant I get, the more I load up with a crazy amount of crap before we go anywhere! I am up to at least 2 bags per trip these days to accommodate a cup for her, cup for me, snack for her, sweatshirts for both of us, diapers, wipes, kleenex, phone, wallet, magic color markers, the magic paper, colors, coloring books, bug spray, sunscreen, and who knows what else; maybe I need to lighten my load... maybe a bit too much stuff...
And another big trend...fuzzy pjs...with flipflops & a sun hat...only deep in the heart of Texas!

Haddow-ween

Note the crazed candy smile...and waddipop bouquet...
with her buddy between houses...
checking out her loot...

this is what candy does to this kid...

loves her some waddipops.

Haddow-ween was a big hit this year. She's been wearing her costume for a month, including the hat, almost everyday...until Halloween, that is. Then? NO HAT, MAMA. She still got plenty of treats though, and did a GREAT job knocking on doors and saying "TRICK OR TREAT!", and then saying "tank you" as she turned & walked back down the path. I'm pretty sure in the beginning she did NOT do a good job taking just one...her little goodie bag got so heavy I had to empty it into my bugspray/sweater/cup bag about half way through...which lead me to wonder & be a bit more supervisory during her candy grabs going forward. We trick or treated for just over an hour before we headed home in the dark...through the "pooky (spooky) dark forest" as she calls the outside now when it's dark. I think we may have watched a few too many Nick Jr. Halloween episodes...

Since Halloween she's had a few lollipops and 1 candy bar. I put all of her candy in a grocery bag on top of the fridge and she has no idea it is there, and doesn't seem a bit concerned with where all her 'treats' went. She does, however, ask daily, 10x a day, for a waddi-pop. Yesterday we had one while waiting for Dad to get home from his 7 day stint with the Navy...anything to pass that last hour of time. I ate one too, and promptly chomped it right up (I've never been a patient how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop kinda girl) and Luce looked at me, held up one finger, and said, "Just one Mama; Just.One." Apparently she IS a good listener...

overheard

just now, while playing with her baby dolls...

"too little a food...too little a tv...too little a ice cream...too little a hide and seek...too little a sit chair...too little a cat hat costume...too little a feed milo cat food"

we've been reading lots of books to prepare for Gus's arrival - most of them talk about the things he'll be too little to do, while she, the big girl, gets to do all of these great fun things. hopefully it is preparing her in some small way?

haddow-ween (halloween) update to come...I can't upload photos until Wed so you'll all have to wait until then. so far she's enjoyed a wahddi-pop (lollipop) or two, and a crunch bar. the crunch bar was an oversight...it was accidentally left on the floor last night. she seems to have forgotten about them by now, but this morning she was all ready to 'get some more treats, mama....knock a door, TRICK OR TREAT, anader (another) house mama, the next house, mama'. my explanation that halloween was a VERY special day that only happens once a year, like a birthday, did not go over well.

One for the Grandmas...

This morning at the park...
Luci: Where is MY Dah-ya? (while watching another tot play with her dad)
Mom: He's at work. He'll be home tomorrow in time for lunch!
Luci: I miss him. I miss Dah-ya. (how she pronounces Daddy lately)
Mom: I know. I miss him too. And he misses you!
Luci: I miss Grandma too.
Mom: I know. Grandma misses you too.
Luci: And da ut-er one too. Grammy. I miss Grammy too.
Mom: I know. Grammy misses you too.


She picked out her stripes & polka dots outfit from Grammy yesterday. A bit big, but I thought it was going to be huge...the girl is getting so big so fast!

Playing with her new-to-her toys...a Rutherford family heirloom of sorts was delivered via UPS yesterday. Fun times! Here she is using the chest of drawers as a changing table..."just like Luci does!"

She thinks the mirror part is a little seat...

Oil Ranch

On the train...not the best photo, but I think we do look a bit alike, no? Waiting for the train...

Down the slide!

Looking at the chickens...

Going for a pony ride!

On Tuesday we hit the Oil Ranch...the 'deep in the heart of Texas' version of a pumpkin patch! We took our newly relocated to Texas Godson, Justin, along for the ride so that made for fewer photos this year. As Clay would say, we had to practice our man to man defense! Two is definitely more of a handful than one...and all I could think about was the age difference of Justin (4 1/2) and Luci (not quite 2 1/2) and me being pregnant is theoretically where I think I want to be someday. I was exhausted just imagining it!

Luce was all about the animals, but Justin not so much so we didn't spend a ton of time with them. She wasn't afraid of ANY of them...not the sheep with horns, not the cows, not the huge turkeys, not the donkeys....in fact, I had to pull her out of the fence to keep her out of the donkey pen! She really would have just crawled right in there...and no, it wasn't the petting zoo part!

CLE Rocks!?!?!?!

The only photos we took...with my phone (not bad, huh?). I hung out in the car for 30 minutes while Clay went on a quick little hike.

This last weekend Clay & I continued our quest to find a town in which to raise our family. We (well, for sure I), LOVE The Woodlands, but we just can't take the heat. And I can't take the bug bites. And Clay can't take the lack of nature-type outdoor activities (golf & water sports abound...but aren't really his cup of tea). Theoretically we could live anywhere and Clay could commute to his base, but we'd see less of him as the commute would likely take days away from home each month. And like I've said before, we like each other so that is not ideal.

So off we went to Cleveland. CLE is a Continental base...so our quality of life would largely remain the same. It is a 6 hour drive to Grandma & Grandpa Pierse, or a short flight to Indy. Grammy & Grandpy Rosonke would be a shorter flight to Minneapolis, followed by the same lovely 3 hour drive. Or we could drive 6 hours & spend the night with friends in Chicago, and drive another 6 hours the next day. Either way, our quality of life in terms of access to family won't suffer.

The city & greater Cleveland area seemed much like a smaller, less congested, more nature filled, more friendly, slightly cheaper Chicago. And if you know me very well, you know I love Chicago. Cleveland felt very much like it could be home. We stayed downtown and our room had a nice view of the lake; we checked out about 10 suburbs over our two day visit. I think we've narrowed it to three that we think we could be happy in. All three have cute downtowns with a good mix of chain & independent restaurants, charming independent stores, boutiques, & new chain stores. The school districts are all excellent. They also have loads of 4 bedroom homes with basements on .5+ acre lots in our price range. Lots of them were built in the 80s, but we only need to find one with good bones & we'd be happy to do some updating on our own. And for the handsome man in my life? His nature fix will absolutely be fulfilled between the combination of two very accessible areas...the Cleveland Metropark system and the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. Hiking & biking trails abound...the trees, leaves & hills were so beautiful with the fall colors that I decided I might even be motivated to trek about someday...

So, for now, unless something changes with Continental or its bases, I think we'll be moving to Cleveland in the future. Spring of 2010 or 2011...we just have to decide. And soon...Clay will need to bid CLE in January for it to happen in the Spring of 2010. If it were up to me I'd pick Spring of 2011, but we are a family so we have quite a bit more discussion to do in terms of what is best for all of us. Kind of scary, but exciting at the same time?!?!?!

And, also as always, we send a big thank you to Grandma Pierse for taking such good care of our Luci while we were gone. You are the best!

29 weeks...large & in charge...

Big delay in belly shots. I had a series of unfortunate encounters with boxed hair color between weeks 21 and 29. Luckily, my sweet husband agreed to give me professional hair care for my birthday (I couldn't decide what I wanted)...so finally the color of my locks is presentable. Then again, with a belly this big, am I the only one looking at my hair?!?!?!

where do these people come from?

Random Lady at Starbucks: When are you due?
Me: Christmas
RL: Ohhh honey....bless you!
Me: fake smile
RL: twins?
Me: just one big healthy boy!
RL: fake smile

name Sally, Daddya.

Reading to Dad....she INSISTS on holding the book...and now she's into holding the book up in the air for all to see. Very annoying if you are the one trying to see the words, so you can comply with demands of "talk, Mom, talk." She's very into role playing before bed now each night. We usually read to a baby, say prayers, cover said baby with a blanket, and tell her to "sleep tight" before we head up for a bath. Last night Dad got the books & prayers instead of a baby! The girl loves her daddya...

Luci's beloved Bea of 1+ years has a new name. Last night as Clay was reading to Luci in bed he rolled over on Bea. He said, "oh! Sorry Luci, here is Bea." To which Luci replied, "Name Sally, Daddya. Name Sally."

catching up: 28 and 1/2 weeks

This is definitely the best face shot I've ever seen from a 2D ultrasound! Sweet profile...

We got another sneak peak at our sweet boy this morning. Luci went along and when she wasn't crying or throwing a fit she was squealing with delight at watching her little brother move around on the screen. "Too little a walk, too little a talk, no pizza, no ice cream, drink milk" she said...

The placenta has moved up so no planned c-section for us if all continues to go well! Fluid levels look great, and he's measuring about a week ahead of schedule...I think he's going to be a big boy. His little feet look pretty big already. He is head down, with his feet & hands right in front of his face...at one point I saw him grab his little foot with all five fingers...it was precious! Oh, and he's definitely a he...his little boy parts were impossible to miss this time. Ahh! I still can't believe we are having a boy!

I think Clay has signed up for painting Gus's room...now if we can just agree on a color! It's going to be hard giving up our only guest room, as we love having guests! We are still trying to figure out how to accommodate our visiting family once the guest room is Gus's room. We've got some ideas, but we need to figure out how long we plan to stay in this house once Gus is here to determine our appropriate level of investment. We'll see.

This pregnancy has been different than Luci's was in lots of ways. My skin is just now starting to calm down (I had GREAT skin with Luci for most of the pregnancy), and sadly my hair is no better than usual (I had GREAT hair with Luci too). I'm definitely bigger this time, both in terms of belly and overall shape. I started the pregnancy 5-10lbs heavier & I'll probably end about 5-10lbs heavier. I am on track to gain about 30lbs again, just as with Luci (or was it 25 with Luci?) How quickly I forget...

As for me, I'm feeling horrendous. Not pregnancy horrendous, just sinus infection horrendous. I'm on day 2 of antibiotics so hopefully I'll be feeling better soon. Clay & Luci had a teeny bit of the congestion last week, but they are both good to go right now, so I'm as certain as I can be that it's just an infection. I need to do an updated belly shot...I'll probably wait until before church on Sunday...that seems to be the best I look all week!

updates

Nope...it isn't the third trimester that is making me feel this icky. This cold I've been battling since Portland has officially turned into a sinus infection...I'm thinking that is why I feel so icky. I have a course of antibiotics that I'm starting in an hour that will hopefully get me back to my chipper self. I've made it almost a year without a sinus infection due to my neti pot, and that is a serious record for me. I usually have about 4 a year, and I haven't had one since Luci & I had our bouts with RSV last November. If you have similar woes, I can't recommend the neti pot more.

In other news, Lulu Pea is going to school tomorrow only to say good-bye to her teachers & friends. After a talk with the director Miss I today, we've all decided she's just not ready. Miss I is SOOO KINDLY holding Luci's spot open until after Christmas break so we can give it another try then if we want to. This is a HUGE deal as there is a long list of kiddos waiting for a spot to open up. We are grateful. And if we decide not to send her back we'll let Miss I know as soon as we make that decision. I must admit I'm curious to see if after a few weeks when Luci realizes she doesn't have to go, that she might want to go. Time will tell I guess. I wish I could honestly say I was more of a self-less mom and that I'm totally okay with the fact that she's not ready, but I'd be lying. I am okay with it, but also a bit bummed. I like alone time. Even if it is just to work. That said, I do realize it was a short lived stretch of alone time as our next bundle of joy is on his way.

So...there are just a few quick updates. Even though this post sounds kind of like a downer, I really do have an attitude of gratitude tonight...I promise. :)

seriously?

I'm on the cusp of the third trimester (either there yesterday or tomorrow depending on what method of due date selection we use), and suddenly I feel like it. Just yesterday at playgroup a friend asked me if I was starting to feel third trimester icky yet...and I replied, "No! I really still feel pretty well!" HA! Fast forward 6 hours to waking up from my nap and suddenly I feel not so good. And I woke up this morning feeling much of the same way...and again after waking from my nap today. Ugh. Near constant heartburn and a feeling like poor Gus is squished...or at the very least squishing all of my organs in an attempt to stretch out! He causes a great deal more sharp pains and dull aches than Luci did...or at least that I remember Luci causing. Or maybe it's just that all I had to do at this point when Luci was in the womb was hang out horizontally on the couch watching TV. Trying to clean up toys last night seemed like a monumental effort.

NOT GOOD my friends, not good. I still have a long 12+ weeks to go! More to come on the Gus front this week...we have a big ultrasound on Tuesday to see if my placenta has moved up. If not, we'll likely be scheduling a c-section.

catching up: lulu pea part two

Well I thought we were doing better at school, but Miss A informed me that today was possibly the worst day yet! Luci is excited to go now before school starts...she's excited to pick out what she wears, what goes in her lunch, excited to see Miss A, Miss L, and a few other friends she now names. We walk in together, hand in hand, and she doesn't cry when we leave.


But apparently, opposite of most kids who cry for five minutes when the mom leaves and then are fine, Luci is fine for 5 minutes and then cries. Real tears. Silent, but real tears. They tell me she's no trouble...that she's a good listener and will follow directions, but she does so with tears. Tears that make them as teachers sad for her...cause they are very obviously real. And Miss A proclaimed she's obviously intelligent, because Luci has the routine down & tries to speed up the day by progressing to the next activity to get to the one that is followed by Mom picking her up. (She wants to go outside, then inside, then lunch, then outside.) Then I pick her up, and she's excited to tell me about the day and show me her artwork. And she CLEARLY adores Miss A & Miss L.


Miss A suggested giving it another week...at that point we'll be almost 1/2 way through the fall semester. Miss A, Miss L and Miss I (the director) have all told me that she may just not be ready...and that if I wasn't pregnant they'd say to try again next year, but that if I want to we should stick with it and that she will eventually get the hang of it. Warm fuzzies this does not give me...I don't want her to go just because Gus is on the way. I really thought she would love it....she needs a lot of engagement, stimulation & variety and I really thought this was the answer. We definitely didn't realize she was such a sensitive, attached little soul.

So, what to do. We have definitely made progress in the AM before she goes. But after much discussion, Clay & I have decided that if things don't go any better next week while she's actually at school, we are going to pull her out for the year and try again next fall. I'm so disappointed...not in her (not at all), just in knowing that what I thought was going to be a bright spot for her and work or Gus time for me isn't going to be.

catching up: lulu pea

changing 'brother baby's' diaper... eat time, brother baby...

hmmm...we might have to work on how we holdyou brother baby...

The girl has lots of nicknames, what can I say? Lu, Lulu, Luce, and of course the real deal Luci. Just don't call her by Lucia...I'm not sure if she'll answer!

She's more & more conversational by the day, constantly cracking Clay & me up. Some of our favorites include endearing mispronunciations...

weh-yo - yellow

hhnail - snail

hhmile face - smile face

hhning - swing

ipsey pider - itsy bitsy spider

wots & wots o peoples - there are a lot of people

quiz-key - squeaky

My-yo - Milo

Other favorite phrases?

Carryou? - will you carry me?
Mama Holdyou? - will you hold me, Mama?

Luci holdyou? - when I have something she wants to hold

yes daughter.

wook at me, wook at me - look at me, look at me (while cupping my chin with her hands so that I look at her)

Car first [with one finger up] (whenever we talking about going anywhere that requires us getting in the car)

I catch me! - I'm going to catch you

If you were a fly on our wall you may have recently heard...

i miss daddya too.

daddy work. take-a-people-a-grandmas house. see Asher, see Myrtle the Great.

deep-in-a-heart-Texas.

make-a-picture-grandma. cedem (a type of flower at Grandma's).

Let's go see fishes! (Grandma & Grandpa Pierse have a little fish pond in their yard).

Somebody-a-cryian. a baby. homa, miss mama. (hearing a baby cry).

Mom hing (sing). Mom no hing.

Mom talk. (wanting me to read a book from across the room while she holds it).

Look at me stuff, I'm-a-jumpin you! (talking to her artwork hanging on the wall while she jumps on the trampoline).

Let's go let's go!

She's starting to sing along to songs and repeat stretches of books.

-I got, I got, I got I got Loco Leeeeggs (from The Freshbeats)

-Nothin, nothin, nothin, nothin. (From The Cat in the Hat)

-She has a big sister book that she was reciting as she was playing with her baby doll the other day. "Too little a walk. Too little a talk. Too little a apples ice cream no pizza."

Oh...and she's OBSESSED with Dr. Seuss & The Cat in the Hat. And the Sneetches. And Green Eggs & Ham. She seriously can't get enough of the book or the movie. Luckily the 1957 video has lots of catchy tunes that keep Clay & me singing for days...

Her concept of time (or lack thereof) is really interesting. She knows the things we do during the day, and that bathtime and naptime come shortly after meals but has no concept of time throughout the day. Example? This AM after breakfast she said sleeptime? No sleeptime. And after lunch she might proclaim it bathtime. She does get that when it is dark out that it is sleeptime. I think she gets tomorrow, because if we talk about tomorrow being a school day she knows the next morning right away as she wakes up that she's going to go see Miss A & Miss L. But if I go out for dinner before she goes to bed, she wakes up the next morning and thinks I'm still out playing with my friends. She also is VERY excited for her friend Eleanor's birthday party and I keep having to tell her it is in a couple of weeks. I'm quite sure she has NO idea what this means, but she doesn't like it.

catching up: where-o-where will the Pierses live

I've decided to catch up in installments since I'm a bit intimidated with all of the chronicling I need to do...

So...PDX. Portland that is, for those of you whose lives aren't dictated by airport codes (ours largely are). We loved it. We felt a bit empty there. We wish it made more sense.

We LOVED it. It is beautiful. Clay could get his hiking/biking/climbing fix anytime, any day, at home or within a short drive. The mountains are gorgeous, the trees are gorgeous, the waterfalls are gorgeous. Everything is green. And for me? The city is SO accessible from the 'burbs where we'd likely live. (The area we'd likely live in is Camas, WA...very safe with excellent schools. And gorgeous homes with gorgeous views.) The Pearl District of downtown reminded me of my favorite parts of Chicago minus the congestion. In Chicago it'd be VERY difficult to get downtown for dinner and dessert and back home again on a week night. We did it in Portland with some friends of Luci's Uncle Sunidh & Aunt Brooke...in the rain (city dwellers know this makes traffic worse). They picked us up at 6:45p and we were home in bed eating a delicious dessert that we took to go by 9:45p (we stayed just shy of the 'burbs). That just wouldn't happen in Chicago unless all of the stars were perfectly aligned. Oh, and we found street parking. Twice. And they pump your gas for you in Oregon. I like that. The city has just a very cool vibe...one of respect for the environment and local ingredients...all while keeping a sense of humor. You can get a local brew (or your non-pregnant husband can ;) and eat a yummy meal with fun ingredients (like quinoa...try to find that in The Woodlands!). We saw a sign at the airport that pretty much summed it up....it said, "UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE SERVED AN ESPRESSO & GIVEN A FREE PUPPY". And it had a drawing of a little girl balancing a cup of coffee while petting a puppy. LOVED IT. Oh, and I had the best latte of my life at a little local joint, bought for us by some random nice people we met over breakfast. They proceeded to map out a bunch of areas we needed to check out for future homes when they realized that we were new to the city. And then they bought us THE BEST COFFEE I'VE EVER HAD. Um, yeah. Have I mentioned we loved it?

We felt a bit empty there. Was it missing our Luci? We aren't without her very often. Was it that family would be SOO far away? For the Rosonke side, we would be talking about a 3 hour drive, a 3 hour flight, and a 4 1/2 hour flight in order to use our non-rev privileges (flying for less on stand-by). Plus all of the wait time/planning/stars aligning that said flights require. Um yeah. And the Pierse side would fair only 2 hours better on the drive side of things. That is quite a trek. And we like our families. Ideally we'd like to make it easier to see them, not more difficult. And Clay would be commuting. That would mean we see less of him. 3-5 days or more less of him a month. And we like each other...so that would be hard. Really hard. Not to mention his stress level of never knowing if he's going to make it to work or if something will go wrong with the flight he picked to get himself to Houston to start work.

We wish it made more sense. We wish we had had this euphoric feeling that we'd found our answer. Instead? Lots of pros, lots of cons. Lots of heart tugging cons.

So what now? We are checking out CLE next. Cleveland, that is. Continental has a base there, so no commuting. It'd be closer to family. A 6 hour drive to the Pierse family, or a short 60-90 minute flight. And it'd be an easy 6 hour drive in the new minivan Clay promised to buy me if I'm willing to move to CLE (he rues the day he said that! ;). For the Rosonke side, a shorter 2 hour flight with the same 3 hour drive. We'd be back in the Midwest...with proper seasons & snow. Granted I like the idea of snow more than the actual snow, but Clay for real likes snow. Housing prices have gone down significantly since we opted for IAH (Houston) over CLE three+ years ago when we moved here. So maybe it makes sense now? We'll see. Oh, and for the nature seeking man in my life? A giant state park with lots of hiking & mountain biking. And we'd be within driving distance of fun stuff in Penn, W. Virginia & Virginia. So he gets his nature fix. Not sure if I get my city fix...but I would get a minivan ;) A worthwhile trade off? I'm not so sure!

In summary? I wish staying here was the answer. But Clay has no nature fix, and I have no city fix. And the forecasted heat index for the week is: 96, 97, 110, 93, 95, 95 & 94. Have I mentioned it is the end of September? Beginning of October? These temps just don't work with our Northern body calendars. They just piss me off. I want to wear pants! And long sleeves! And go outside without sunscreen & bug spray! Is that too much to ask? But I do love our friends here. In my pregnant state just thinking about not having them in our daily lives makes me weepy. Ugh. Anybody know how I can pick up a town and move it north?

alive & mostly well

After a week of traveling we are home again home again. Thank goodness. I feel like I've been hit by an enormous truck (as Luci would say)...I have a terrible cold and this body just isn't up for trekking through airports with luggage & a 2 year old...even with the help of Dad & Grandma.

That said Portland was AWESOME. It wasn't so much a vacation as an exploration of a potential future home, but it was great nonetheless. Luci did really well with Grandma and had her best school experience to date while we were gone. Yesterday went well too...no tears before school or even when we dropped her off. She did struggle when Miss L had to leave to pick up her sick daughter from school, but I'm hopeful tomorrow will go well if Miss L is back.

One night at home after Portland and Clay, Grandma Pierse, Luci & I headed up to Indiana for the weekend for the big Edinburgh Fall Festival. We had a great time, although I woke up on Saturday with a pulled ab muscle or something that left me virtually unable to walk without significant pain. Fun times. The good news is that at least that ailment has already healed. Now if I could just get rid of this congestion...

More details to come, but for now I must work...

Productive.

Reading her book...Loving her trampoline!

Going to the one not allowed spot...of course.

Jump...

Jump!

Productive with a capital P. My very long list of personal admin has for the most part been completed this week. Amazing what a few forgone mama naps will accomplish. I've been so on task I haven't posted for awhile...

Aunt Baylee & Grandma Myrtle the Great were here last weekend & we LOVED having them. Unfortunately, I am a terrible mother/sister/granddaughter, and forgot to get the camera out even ONCE! And Aunt Baylee is leaving the country this week for a year or more! What is wrong with me?!?!?! Ugh. I'm disgusted with myself and just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I think it's not as much the photos as Baylee leaving for a year. Not that we won't be able to talk or email, but still...a year is a long time. Living far away from siblings is such a bummer...I am proud of our endeavors & ambition, but it SUCKS that living in different time zones seems to be a necessary by-product. Luci is still talking about Aunt Baylee & Myrtle the Great a week later...she misses them, for sure. We did lots of fun things like going out for breakfast, coloring both my hair & Grandma's hair blond from a box at Kroger (mine was not a big hit...Grandma looked great, on the other hand), and shopping. It was tons of fun...thanks for coming!

I also turned 32 last weekend. Or thirty-twos as Luci would say. Baylee took Grandma & me out for breakfast & Clay took me out for a LOVELY dinner while Baylee & Grandma Myrtle watched Luci for us. It was great...thank you all!

Preschool continued much as it did the first two weeks. I didn't get any calls to come pick her up, but she cried pretty much from the moment she woke up until I handed her off to Miss L. And I'm sure she continued crying but I didn't stick around to find out. Miss L & Miss A told me she cried on & off the whole time - and when I asked if it was more good than bad, they said it was a toss up. Ugh. I almost called it a day on Thursday morning...I wasn't sure if I could keep doing it. She is legitimately scared. And I know she doesn't need to go to. But I really want her to want to go. I really want the time to pick up some extra hours at work before the baby comes, and maybe even after if Gus's naps cooperate. Luci needs a LOT of stimulation & engagement these days, and selfishly I love the idea of having someone else do it while I get a few hours to myself. Preschool is really all about me, and I get that. And it makes me feel all the more guilty that she is terrified...cause that is due to me too! I was too scared to leave her at the Y or with babysitters, so of course she is terrified at school...how could I expect her not to be? Miss L assures me that given I've never left Luci with anyone other than close friends or grandparents that her behavior is totally normal. They've not suggested that it is time to call it a year yet so I'm going to give it at least another month. Ugh.

And this week Grandma Pierse gets to give it a go. She's staying with Luci while Clay & I hit Portland Monday - Thursday. We are excited to really check out the area and see if it might be the place for us. But my heart is definitely feeling an extra tug knowing the issues she's having with school...

uncomfortable.

Lately we've been feeling lots of discomfort. All three of us. Preschool is hard. On all three of us. I'd been calling what Clay & I've been feeling as heartbreaking, but I've revised and am trying to keep perspective. Heartbreaking is watching a child or spouse suffer from a terminal illness, or not being able to afford to care for or feed your child. Lots of things in this world are really heartbreaking. Leaving your child at preschool while she cries for Mama or Daddy is not one of them. It's just uncomfortable. Luci feels uncomfortable at preschool. She's safe, with lots of fun things to do and kids to play with. But she's uncomfortable because she's used to Mom & Dad always being there.

Tuesday was okay. She cried as soon as we turned the car off in the parking lot. The preschool director (a neighbor of ours) called at 10a to say Luci was walking around in a crouched position saying, "poops, poops". But a diaper change revealed no poops, so they put her on the potty. She didn't like that. I told the director she probably just knew she had to go but that they could leave her diaper on. We didn't hear back, so we went a bit early to sneak a peak at her on the playground to see how she was. She was at the fence line, looking out all forlorn like. Clay couldn't stomach more than 3 minutes of this so he went out to scoop her up. Miss L said she was teary during a diaper change, but overall did pretty well. One thing Clay & I noticed as we dropped her off was that her cubby now had her photo on it...the saddest lookin Luci photo you've ever seen. It made us uncomfortable.

Clay left Tuesday afternoon, and since then Luci has been periodically bursting into tears proclaiming "miss Daddy, miss Daddy, no Daddy work, miss Daddy". She's always missed him while he's on trips, but has been easily distracted and comforted...except for the last two days...NOTHING I do comforts her. I brought out a Daddy shirt to hug, made a bear into a special Daddy bear (this worked for a few hours), brought out the photo book of Dad, called Dad, but nothing has comforted her. This inconsolable missing makes us uncomfortable...and lucky me, I'm probably the least uncomfortable.

Today the tears started almost as soon as she woke up. Miss Daddy, miss Daddy. She cried while sitting in 'Daddy's pillows' (his side of the bed) watching a show through my entire shower. She cried through breakfast. We 'rocked a baby' for 5 minutes with the forbidden baa all cradled and wrapped in a blanket in a way we haven't done since she was like 6 months old. I loved it (who doesn't love to snuggle their baby), but found it very disturbing at the same time. She's clearly uncomfortable. She knew it was a school day, and said 'no school' a few times. But she was excited to put her socks on, and carry her lunch box to the car. But when we reached the parking lot she started crying, and cried all the way into her class (with Mama getting empathetic looks from every other mom we passed), into her teacher's confident arms. I warned Miss A it had been a rough morning and that the director could call me on my cell phone, but she scooped Luci right up & told me she'd be fine. And I was off. But very uncomfortable!

I went about my business, prepared for the call which came at 10:15a. I could hear Luci in the background sobbing "see Mama, see Mama". Luckily I had just picked up my final item at the grocery store, so I headed to the check out & drove as fast as I legally could to school. When I got there I went to Luci's class room...I could see her, but she didn't see me...and she wasn't crying. They said she had stopped just after the call and that she'd been fine since. I snuck out & told them to feel free to call if the tears started again...and thanked them for calling in the first place. About 11:15a I got another call...asking if I meant to pack strawberries in her lunch or was she no longer allergic...OOPS!! Poor thing melted when they took away her strawberry (which I made a big deal of telling her about this AM as I was packing her lunch)! I said, no, strawberries no longer caused eczema breakouts, and profusely apologized! Poor Luci & poor Miss A & Miss L...as if the morning hadn't been hard enough already! UGH!

I went a bit early to pick her up to watch her on the playground through the window and she seemed to be fine climbing on the equipment and going down the slide. When Miss L brought her into the pick up room the big frown was back & I could see tears brimming, but I promptly gave her a hug & high five and told her what a good job she did at school today...and she responded by smiling. We gave Miss L a high five on the way out, and although Luci did say "miss Daddy, Daddy work" she didn't cry. And she's been fine since then. We looked at her artwork from the day and she's now watching a show before nap time, excited to wake up in order to go pick up Aunt Baylee & Grandma Myrtle the Great from the airport this afternoon.

So, we made it through another week of school. And it was uncomfortable, but life often is uncomfortable. I can get through this transition just keeping this in mind. The biggest rewards of my life have come after a period of discomfort. I don't regret any decision that I've ever made that required me to stretch beyond my comfort zone. My problem is not knowing if it is necessary for a 2 year old to learn this lesson...or if that is even the lesson we're departing on her by forcing the preschool issue. Ahhh the uncomfortable joys of parenting...